Dying is living

One of the central messages of Christianity is that death is not something to be feared, but it is something to embrace and even something we need to experience again and again. Death is an essential part of life. I know, theologically and doctrinally Jesus' death and resurrection was a once and done, universally applicable event that needs only be acknowledged and accepted by each individual to achieve renewed and eternal life. Theologically and doctrinally I can assent to that deep truth; however, I have found experientially it's just not that simple. I am constantly wrestling with what has been deemed my "sin nature," or as the Apostle Paul dubbed it my "flesh", or as Rohr (Immortal Diamond, 2013) clarifies, my "false self" or ego. I have found that I need to revisit death fairly often in the form of "dying to self" or, more specifically, killing off that part of my ego that struggles to recreate my life according to the rules of selfish lust and desire. Throughout our lives most if us need to return again and again to the depths, to get to the bottom of it (if you will), to dive deep into the pool of life, the pit of despair (or stress, doubt, hate, depression, hurt) or even into the center of our perceived happiness to find the core of what motivates or restrains us, to see what is truly at the bottom of our selves. We need to go as deeply as possible in self-discovery. Only when we are at the bottom of that pool can we, with God's help, both kill that which controls us subconsciously (by dying to self, if you will) and claim that dark part of our being as our own. It is only then that we really have a choice of whether to resurrect into the light that which we find in those depths or kill it and leave it buried there as an acknowledged, but no longer controlling part of who we are becoming. As Rohr suggests, when we do not get to the core of our true self, we tend to cover over parts of our identity that bubble up at the most inconvenient times, causing us surprising and inexplicable trouble (Immortal Diamond, 2013).

It is in the depths that we actually find our true identity. In the depths there is no room for masks, no space for false ideas, and no where to hide. There we are exposed. There we are laid bare. In the depths we are able to finally see our selves as we are. We realize that despite all of our efforts to be someone else, by wearing various masks of hypocrisy, deep down at our core we never really changed. And we are able to see and finally admit that our true self that we attempted to hide behind the mask du jour is actually "good" and perfect. Rohr notes,

"You do not create your True Self, or can you earn it, or work up to it by any moral or ritual behavior whatsoever. It is all and forever mercy for all of us and all the time, and there are no exceptions. You do not climb up to your True Self. You fall into it, so don't avoid all falling. There, ironically and happily, you are finally found" (Immortal Diamond, p. 25)

What we will discover at the core, in the depths, at the very bottom of that which we most fear, is the core of our identity. At the very core we will discover that part that was handmade by God. Where we find our soul, pure, simple, and unchanged from the moment it was fashioned by God. Augustine suggested that our soul is not at rest until it finds rest in God. Rohr explains that this is because our soul was created by God, and as such not only contains a spark of God, but in very essence is a mirror of God, a true imago dei (image of God). Each soul was uniquely fashioned by the creator of the universe. It is in God that we find our true self. But that self can only be discovered when we go beneath it all, below the surface of the many facades we have added in the attempt to find meaning.

Once we stand face to face with our true self - with our very soul - then we will discover freedom like we have never known. We will find meaning and joy in the simple things of life. We will find love for all people, appreciation for individuality, and new joy in co-creating with God a future out of our newly acknowledged center. Status will matter less to us. We will see each moment as a gift.

But most people will not do the hard work to get down to the core of our selves. Most people will choose to remain on the surface of self-knowledge and self-understanding, choosing to treat symptoms instead of going deep to discover their core, their soul, and the result will be a life lived, yes, but not a life lived to the fullest. Jesus said he wanted his disciples to have abundant (full, complete) life (see John 10:9). We can't go deep without creating space in our busyness to spend time in silence, to learn to be contemplative, to develop a lifestyle of silent prayer, of learning to listen beneath the noise that so fills our lives.

So here's the rub, a prescription from Dr. Nate, if you will: Turn off the TV, put down the iPod, take out the earbuds, find a place of solitude, silence the many small voices of urgency that will inevitably cry for your attention in the quiet, and learn to listen to your life, learn to hear the voice of your soul, learn to tune in to the still small voice of God. It is there, in the quiet, in the silence, in the stillness, that you can begin to hear, see, and discover who you really are, who you were meant to be, who you are becoming. It it there that you will really find yourself. It is there that the stories and words of scripture that you have read will take on new life. It is there that relationships will blossom into love. It is there that past hurts will fade. It is there that the trivial will become apparent and that which is most important will rise in value. It is there that you will find peace and joy.