It's happened again...

I hate to admit it, but it has happened again: I have fallen victum to the consumerism that purvades our day. At times I am able to sink my life in my faith and family, forgetting all of the superfilious "stuff" that is hawked on t.v., magazines, websites and in stores as essentials for happiness and even comfort. However, gradually, almost unperceptably at first my eyes begin to wander, my wants begin to grow and before long I'm caught up in a cyclone of lust for stuff. The crazy part is that the only way I usually realize my state is when my credit card bill arrives. Cardiac arrest almost ensues. I look at the balance due and gulp, assured that there must be some grave mistake, some over charge, some double billing going on. As I scan the list of expenses, $14.76 for basics at Kroger, $52.49 for gifts and household items at Walmart, $7.22 for lunch at Ben's Barbeque Bistro, $2046.00 for the two bikes at Sunshine (but he gave me such a deal!), and the list goes on and on and on. I can rationalize all of the "expenses" - we have to eat, my kids have to attend birthday parties, i have to have deoderant, I was at lunch with a student, I have been planning on buying a new bike for years.... But when the bill comes, if I allow myself a moment of sanity I realize that I have been thoughtless and out of control. The thrill of the search and purchase doesn't compare to the reality of owning the "much needed" product. When sitting in the piles of stuff in my house or office that item that looked so appealing on the internet doesn't have quite the charm it once did. Some months I shake my head in dismay - "I did it again." Some months I just pay the balance, file the bill and move on without a thought. But then there are months like this one, months when a confuence of events seem to push me towards a more healthy place. I realize that it's not all about the stuff. The bill arrived in the midst of the business of last week. I didn't have time to think about much execpt packing my suitcase or backpack for my trips. This morning, however, I was sobered once again by Brian McLaren. In A Generous Orthodoxy I read, "The fact is, all religions are under threat... from the McDonalization and Wal-Martization of the world, from global consumerism, from forces that emanate... from New York and Hollywood - forces that make all religions equally superfluous, trivial compared to the lust for a new car or a new pair of jeans" (p. 254).

It's in moments like this that I find I have been quenching my thirst for God by stuffing my soul with lust for stuff. Upon close inspection I feel like a burrito from Moe's Southwest Grill that has been too stuffed and bursts when wrapped. I think I just need another wrapper, one more substantial, or maybe a more skilled burrito maker. But the reality is that I need to remove some of the filling - in fact, most of it needs to be cast aside. How much stuff does one person need? What values am I teaching my kids? Where does it end? How can I be so nieve?!? I think it's time for a period of fasting and a re-evaluation....