Grace through clinched fists?

I've been thinking a lot about grace lately. Not because I have been acting particularly graceful, but because I have been reading a lot about how contemporary society feels about Christians, and as a result, how many/most feel about the church and many about God. In working as a "professional Christian" in a college setting I talk with Christian students everyday, seeking to help them become better disciples of Jesus. I also talk with students who are not followers of Jesus - most who have a negative attitude towards all religions. Much of the negativity they harbor is from contact they have had or their friends have had with folks who claim the mantle of "Christian." My conversations with students and alumni has proven Dan Kimball's assessment a few years ago in the title of his book, They like Jesus but not the church. In trying to find a metaphor to capture what I have been hearing from students on our campus, many of us who are evangelistic Christians seem to be offering grace through clinched fists. We hold the grace of God out for others to see, but when we do we also offer so many rules and restrictions for the practice of faith that we make grace seem impossible to obtain. The fingers of our clinched fists prove to be prison bars, holding grace captive - making it ours to own and control and keeping it away from others who need it just as much if not more than we do. Seems to me that such a presentation of Grace is rather Pharisaical, and thus, sinful. I could quote a myriad of verses here to prove my point, but don't want to overstate the obvious: Jesus offered grace to all people. Why we feel the need to convict others and demand wholesale lifestyle changes before they can accept the loving, freely offered grace of God is beyond my comprehension. In case I misread the Bible, conviction is the work of the God.

I've just started reading two books, Sin boldly: a field guide for grace, by Cathleen Falsani and Lost in transition: the dark side of emerging adulthood, by Christian Smith. Both are disturbing my thoughts and sleep this week. As we seek to reach out to the students on campus in conversations about the saving grace of Jesus and seek to lead the students in our ministry to have spiritual conversations with their friends we face an uphill battle. Students on campus have heard too many canned evangelistic pitches that have impossible strings attached. Many are reticent to engage in serious conversations anymore. Students in our ministry are like those discussed in Lost in transition, who have become so influenced by the contemporary postmodern philosophy that they do not want to talk to their friends about faith because they do not want to impose their beliefs on anyone else.

I live and work in what has been dubbed the Bible-belt. Most students on our campuses are at least familiar with Christianity, though many have not experienced nor claim faith in Jesus. +Vic Doss, a local church-based college pastor realized that most students today don't share their faith because they don't know how and because they have not been shown how. He and some of his colleagues decided to begin taking students on campus to engage in purposeful conversations. They have had great success in modeling healthy evangelism. The result has been thousands of conversations over the past few years with students and faculty members. Vic noted that students are not coming to Jesus because no one is having the conversation with them.

Our students have been giving out coffee on campus one morning each week. They have discovered that most folks welcome the offers of prayer and encouragement offered alongside a free cup of coffee. Many conversations have been started and are ongoing because a few students care enough to spend a few hours a week between morning classes loving on their peers with offers of coffee and prayer.

Let's ponder solutions together.
Let's engage this changing culture in conversations about faith.
Let's encourage honest discussions among our Christian students about their faith and about evangelism.
Let's model for our students ways to have healthy, grace-filled conversations about faith by taking them with us on campus, inviting them along when we go out on campus for evangelistic events.
Let's get out of our buildings and onto campus so that we can interact with students in our ministries and students who have had bad experiences with "clinched-fist grace," talking with them about grace found in Jesus.

What are your ideas?

He knows my name!

Last night in our worship service at Tuesday@theB we finished a study of John chapter 6. I had intended on connecting Peter's statement at the end of the chapter with other elements in the previous chapters of John's story about Jesus. However, while I was studying I got stuck on Peter's comment, because John focuses on the conversation in a manner quite different than the other Gospel writers. After the feeding of the crowds with only a few loaves of bread and a few fish, the other writers have Peter's profound statement of faith, "You are the Christ of God" (Luke) or "You are the Messiah, the son of God" (Matthew). But in John's account, when the crowds are leaving Jesus, he turns to his 12 disciples and asks, "Are you going to leave me too?" Peter responds, "To whom shall we go? You have the words of life!"

My plan was to show how this statement traces back through the Gospel. I was going to point out where Jesus was referred to as the Word and where Peter heard Jesus say that his very words gave eternal life. As I was looking through the earlier passages I stopped on this first encounter Peter had with Jesus. It was there that Jesus called Peter by his given name, Simon, and then gave him a new name, Peter, or Rock. From the other Gospel accounts we know that Peter was no rock, put was in fact rather impetuous and loud and usually had his foot in his mouth.

Names are important in scripture. In Peter's case we know that he eventually became what Jesus named him to be, but that it took time. In fact, as we read the stories of Peter we can see when the disciple gets it right because Jesus or the writer calls him "Peter". However, when the well intentioned disciple blunders, he is called Simon or Simon Peter.

I have heard and read many interpretations and explanations of the meaning of the new name Jesus gave to Simon. But I don't think I have ever heard or seen a similar study of the name Simon. So I did what any good scholar would do; I googled it. What I found gave me even more insight into what John was telling us in the first six chapters of his narrative, especially as it relates to Peter - and to us. The name Simon means "to hear" or "to be heard". Peter had been looking for, as the song begs, "Something to believe in." When his little brother Andrew came to introduce him to Jesus, Peter came right away because he needed to hear the word of life offered by Jesus. Like many who are bold and brash, Peter was a natural leader who had no direction, and, as a result, was flailing around trying to prove himself. When he met Jesus, a man who knew his names - who the disciple was and who Jesus wanted him to become -Peter's life was given direction and purpose. He lived up to the challenge of becoming the stock that Jesus called him to be.

The lesson for us? Jesus knows our names. Jesus knows who we are now - the good and the bad. Jesus knows the names we call ourselves and those we are called by others. But Jesus also has a new name for us, a name to which he calls us to become. He guides and leads us to be all he is creating us to be. He gently whispers the new name in our ear, and if we choose to listen to his voice and follow his gentle calls we too can become more than we are. We can, one step at a time, grow into the name Jesus knows us by and calls us to become.

Do you hear him? What is the name he has given to you? What are the words of full, complete, eternal life that he offers to you in your new name? Take a step towards his voice. He doesn't expect you to become the new you immediately, but, like Peter, by taking one step at a time towards his loving, beckoning voice you will slowly grow into who you have always longed to be.

Back to School

This morning I dropped our 5 year old off for her first day of Kindergarten. As she got out of the van I uttered the same blessing over her that I have offered to our children each school day for 11 years now, "God bless you at school today!" I usually add a few more lines, but Karlie was so excited that she practically jumped out of the van when the door opened. She has been ready for school for two weeks, each morning longingly asking, "is summer over yet?" She has packed and repacked her purple Little Mermaid "packpack" multiple times to make sure she has everything in it.

After I watched her skip to the smiling teacher waiting on the curb in front of her school, tears filled my eyes. My emotions were a strange mix of sadness and joy. Driving away my mind slowly shifted and I began to get excited about the busy day I have ahead. A record number of collegians are arriving in Athens over the next few days. Our leadership team just completed four days of training and is returning to Athens today to begin engaging their peers, recruiting them to join "DawgPack" groups and telling them about the new ministry model we will roll out next week at our Open House. Karlie's excitement is contagious. I am beginning to feel the buzz deep in my chest when I think about the possibilities for ministry in the next few days. The first two weeks of school are always crazy and exhausting. We have multiple activities most days this week - from early in the morning to late at night. There are still a lot of preparations yet to be done. But I'm excited!

Let's do this!

Decluttering

I finally managed to find some time today to begin the process of decluttering my office. I was going to start simple - just clean off my desk - it's been quite a while since I have been able to see wood grain or the pictures under my blotter. Alas, as with all of the projects I undertake, this simple task got complicated quickly. After filing a few of the papers on top of the stacks I found a book, and another, and another. Before long I had almost 20 books stacked beside my desk. When I began to transfer them to the one of the four bookcases in my office, I noted that there was no room. In fact, I had other books on the floor in front of the bookcases and slipped in horizontally on top of the rows of properly shelved books. Thus, I began the process of culling the books on the shelves. I stacked the first cull into a nearby chair. Before long that chair was full, so I pulled another over. When it filled up I began putting books on the floor. When I could no longer walk around the room I went in search of boxes, realizing that I was going to have to part with many of these beloved treasures.

Now if you know me very well at all, you will recall that I hate to part with books, unless the parting is "loaning" a book to a student or a friend for a season. Many times I don't get those books back, but that makes room for more on my shelves! Most of the books in my collection were acquired at a specific time for a specific purpose - there are memories tied with many of them. Others were given to me from my father (or "borrowed" from his vast library) or from other ministers. Many are still hanging around from seminary days. Though I have not opened most of the books on my shelves for many years I find it almost impossible to part with them! My wife has gone from telling people that I am an avid reader to "Nathan is an avid buyer of books!" Our finances would confirm that assesment!

I have only culled my books once before, just before I moved to Athens. I gave away many of the books I used in my former job (missions coordinator). When I unpacked my books here many years ago I had lots of shelf space for trinkets and mission trip memorabilia. However, between normal book buying, gifts from friends and colleagues, and the masses of books I purchased during the past five years for my PhD work, I have many more books than my shelves can contain. Thus, this cull was needed (I know Karen, I need to cull at home too!).

I also took the time to reorganize the shelves. There used to be a system in place - a section each for counseling books, marriage prep books, missional books, emerging church books, evangelism books, discipleship books (and materials), leadership books, and general inspirational books. Then on the other side of the room, nearer to my desk, were shelves with sections for theology, commentaries, bibles, and Bible study materials. Before today divisions between types of books were virtually non-existent. It took forever to find a specific book because things were so disorganized. It is beginning to look presentable again. I know, there are stacks of books in chairs and on the floor. Some of these books are going home with me. But most of them are going on a table outside of my office with a sign that proclaims, "free books!" Others will be appearing on Amazon's site. Others will be headed to the local library for the annual book sale. It makes the pain of culling a bit better to think that many will be headed to a good home.

Here and Now

Brian McLaren, in his new book Naked Spirituality, says that one of the initial (and recurring) stages of faith is recognizing that God is here and learning to tune into God's presence in all of our life. Last week when I was in the mountains of Tennessee I sought to let go of my busyness and let the clean mountain air and incredible vistas slowly penetrate into my soul, into the core of myself, into that place that tends to get buried in the act of living (and even in the act of ministering to others). For me the mountains (almost any mountains) are thin places, places where it is easier for me to feel, see, and listen to God. As I've come home, back to the business of prepping for the new year at work, working around the house, and, of course, paying bills, I am trying to keep the windows to my soul open. If you have been reading my last few posts, it is easy to see that I have allowed busyness to get the best of me.

Last night at the BCM I led a discussion of 1 John 4:1-6. We were talking about the essentials of faith. For John, those essentials are acknowledging Jesus as divine and loving others. Peter Rhea Jones deems these two "interrelated convictions" to be "a durable duet" that must exist for a healthy Christian faith (p. 159). I challenged the collegians who were present (a few first semester students all the way up to 4th years) to take their college years to determine the essentials of their faith. For me my essentials vary from time to time. Like John, I divide my essentials into beliefs and practices. One essential that spans both is the incarnational presence of Jesus in my life. This requires belief, but it also required my attention to the presence and activity of God in and around me. It requires me to invoke God's presence into my day when I awaken. It requires me to set reminders during the day to slow down, to pay attention, and usually, to simply be present to God and to others. If I remember to do that life is so much better for me. I have so much less stress, and as a result, do not get nearly as tired or frustrated.

Basically, I am trying to declutter my head so that there is a clear path between God and my soul. So far I'm doing pretty well. Now if I can just get my desk decluttered.....

Home

It has taken most of this week, but this morning as I emerged from the bedroom in search of coffee and looked out over the mountains I felt a deep, inner sigh, a sigh of deep peace and contentment, the sigh of feeling at home, at rest. Brian McLaren, in his newest book, Naked Spirituality, deems this place the experience of "here," one of the early stages in the recurring spiral of spiritual growth, development, and experience. It is the re-realization of God's constant presence and the ensuing peace that such knowledge brings.
For me the experience of "here" is accompanied by a drive to do something. Much like the disciples of Jesus who experienced a mountaintop experience with him wanted to build an altar to commemorate the event, I want to get to work, prepping sermons or writing devotions or talking to students...but I know that what I need to do is rest in this moment, to allow God to minister to me as he did to Elijah (in the Old Testament story after the prophet had successfully battled the prophets of Baal). I need to stay in this place until the reality of God's abiding presence is firmly rooted in my conscience and until God moves me to the next place, like Elijah, with a deeper understanding of who God is and who I am in God's eyes.
And so I rest...and so I wait...and so I listen.

Ah, the mountains!

We are in the mountains for a few days of family vacation.  I am realizing that I have needed this trip for quite awhile. We had a week of vacation at the beach earlier in the summer. While it was fun, my soul comes alive in the mountains. Everyone has a place our two that rejuvenates them. For me, God lives in the midst of the mountains. By that I mean I feel more connected in the higher elevations, more alive, more relaxed, and more able to recognize my stresses. Like many ENFP's, I don't often notice when I am stressed until I get sick, have crazy aches and pains, lash out at someone, suffer from insomnia, or forget something important. Though I have only begun to notice, all of those have occured this week. The past few mornings my wife has told me that I had talked in my sleep and/or sat bolt upright in the middle of the night, waking her up. I don't remember any of it.
I guess I need this trip.
As I look out of the big glass windows, I feel my soul beginning to stir. The magic of the Smoky Mountains is starting to have it's expected - and needed - effect.
"Awake my soul and sing....."

Sometimes we all need a vacation

Sometimes it's good to get away for awhile. I usually realize that I need a break long after the effects of exhaustion have set it, and set in deep. There two main ways I know I'm tired. The first is when I have trouble sitting still. I feel I have too much to do to pause, even for a moment, even for a good thing. I hear myself saying, "just a minute" or "let me finish this one thing," way too often. When that ramped up attitude is paired with the second sign - a hyper cynicism - I know i need to step back for awhile and regroup.

It's been a very busy semester. Today I realized just how exhausted I have become. It hit me as i was restlessly sitting in a meeting today, inwardly complaining about every minute detail, thinking, "this is such a waste of time." I was still thinking such thoughts when the director of th camp began his devotional. He rambled a bit, told a story, rambled some more, then read this scripture:

"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.' So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place" (Mark 6:31-32 NIV).

Then he began to say that he believed we were all tired and were in need of deep rest. He hoped that this place, this camp, could provide some restful rejuvenation or each of us. That's when it hit me. I sighed, and realized I have been sighing for months now. I have been bouncing from one ramped up state to the next with a few crashes in between. I have not really rested at all lately. Though my to-do list is not going to shrink, my attention to it can change. I can, and will, determine not to let my lists and activities control me, but that I can and will control them. Now that I have seen my need for rest I am determined to find it, relax in it, and return home in a better state to serve my family, do my job, and cover all of the items piling up on my lists. 

Perhaps that's why Nora Jones' line has been so compelling; "come away with me," she pleads.   That song has been stuck in my head for months. Now that I am away, I'm going to pause, reflect, pray, meditate, write, and enjoy the quiet. 

Conflicted...

This morning I find my muddy emotions of the past few days a bit less murky - at least I am able to see the disparate divisions of thought in my mind more clearly. The posts, tweets, and blogs of others have helped the mud settle back to the bottom. I stayed up on Sunday night waiting for the "announcement" from our President. All the while I was following Twitter and Facebook, speculating like everyone else what the news would be. After the announcement I was shocked at the unapologetic hatred and elation over Ben Ladin's death being expressed by many of my Christian friends. However, at that time I didn't have words to express my thoughts.

I am proud to be an USAmerican. I too am tired of this ten year war we have been waging against terrorism. I too feared the evil plots and schemes of Ben Ladin and the other leaders of terrorist organizations around the world. I too was horrified when the twin towers were attacked in New York and the Pentagon in Washington DC. Part of me was proud that our special forces were able to "take out" this mastermind of terror, or as our Governor deemed him, this "embodiment of evil" in a surgical strike, much like we have grown to expect from movies like Mission Impossible or like we role play in Halo or Black Opps. With Jim Wallis, I am glad this was not another bombing that might have resulted in the death of many civilians. However.....

As I watched Twitter explode with posts of rejoicing, several thoughts and quotes began swirling in my mind. Over the past few days those thoughts have grown louder, while the patriotic thoughts have quieted:

"Love your enemies; pray for those who persecute you." - Jesus

"I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter, But I think its about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if you don't love me anymore. Ah...these times are so uncertain. There's a yearning undefined and people filled with rage. We all need a little tenderness; how can love survive in such a graceless age. Ah the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness, they're the very things we kill, I guess...." Don Henley, Heart of the Matter

"Joyfully celebrating the killing of a killer who joyfully celebrated killing carries an irony that I hope will not be lost on us. Are we learning anything, or simply spinning harder in the cycle of violence?" - Brian McLaren

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr.

Perhaps over the next few days and weeks better theologians than I will suggest a "Christian response" to this that will be easy to understand that will end my befuddlement and give me the clarity to easily explain my thoughts to others.

Perhaps mine is not the best, most thought through response. Perhaps it is not the most patriotic reaction. Perhaps it is not the most manly response. But today,

I choose life.

I choose grace.

I choose forgiveness.

I choose love.

Holy Week Reading

Each year during Lent my wife puts away her usual novels and reads non-fiction Christian books. She usually chooses something I've recently added to my library and have recommended to her. This year I took a cue from her. For the past several years I have been stockpiling books that I want to read. However, because of the demands of grad school, most of my acquisitions have gone unread. Stacked not so neatly on my desk, on my bedside table, or stuffed into open spaces on my bookshelves at home or at the office, the tomes have been patiently waiting to be picked up and read. Now that my dissertation is done and done I have a bit more time. After reading "for fun" over the past few weeks I finally made it down in my bedside table stack to Anne Rice's two book Christ the Lord series. I started the first one, Out of Egypt, on Wednesday of Holy Week. I finished it on Good Friday and started The Road to Cana.

I love Rice's writing style. Several summers ago I read all of the Vampire Chronicles (When vampire books were cool the last go round). She is a great story teller. It was nice to be able to immerse my imagination into the first century world of Jesus childhood and then young adulthood as he struggled to figure out the birth stories told about him. The books became my devotional reading for the weekend. Between family activities and chores I nestled into the couch or a chair on the porch and traveled back in time to the dusty roads of Nazereth. As they say, "I laughed, I cried."

Yesterday, Easter Sunday, was a perfect day. I read before church and after we got home from dinner (at Chef Mings). I read sitting outside on the porch, feeling the cool breezes and hearing the laughter of my children as I read of Jesus walking the roads between Cana and Nazereth. As I got sleepy I moved to the couch in the den. I wandered with Jesus in the wilderness after his Baptism by his cousin John. As the afternoon turned to evening, I journeyed with Jesus and his disciples to the wedding at Cana. When I read the last lines, with tears in my eyes, I could not wait to begin the next chapter. The only question now is which version, Matthew, Mark, Luke or John?

A simple thing....

When I openned Karlie's "pack-pack" after school yesterday I found a treasure. Her "best friend" had given her a letter sometime during the school day. Karlie quickly tucked the note securly into her backpack so as not to lose it or have it "collected" by the teacher for an example of her friend's writing ability. When I asked Karlie about the note, she beamed, "It's from my friend Kim! She wrote me a letter! Let me read it for you, "You are my BEST friend Karlie!"
Such a simple note. Such a tiny chore. Such a treasured gift.
I know the power that words of encouragement can play in the lives of those around us. However, most times, even if I think about how important,
special,
talented,
gifted,
loved,
someone is, it is rare that I take the brief seconds to send a text, jot a note, or write a letter. How silly of me. I hope & pray that Karlie's treasured letter will stay in my mind for a long time, urging me to take the time to do such a simple thing that might make someone's day.

Spring has sprung....

Yesterday afternoon I found myself doing something I have not done in a long time. I was staring out of the window, thinking about - nothing. I had been reading one of the many books-for-pleasure that have piled up on my bedside table, my desk, or my bookshelves over the past six years of school. I paused for a few minutes because I was about to fall asleep mid-sentence. After about five minutes of staring out of the huge plate glass window at church, I noticed that I was looking past or through the most amazing dogwood blossoms. I sat for another few minutes lost in wonder of the beauty that I had not noticed. Then I began to realize that over the past six years there are a lot of things I have placed on the back burner of life in order to stay focused on the added responsibility of school. There are things at work that I have left undone or half done. There are great students that have come and gone that I never took the time to know on a deeper level. There are parts of my kids' lives that I have missed or watched from a disengaged distance. There are seasons, like this one, that I have seen come and go, but have not really noticed them.

The transition to post-graduate student is going to take awhile, but I am determined to rediscover the joys of simple things - like doing nothing. Like letting the beauty of the seasons envelope me with mindless wonder. Like playing simple, silly games with Karlie. Like listening to music with Nick (even if it is rap that I don't understand). Like taking long walks with Natalie and talking about the most recent book she is reading or new story she is writing. Like going on dates with my wife. Like taking out pencil and paper and drawing again. Like posting in this blog on a regular basis.

This is going to be fun!

It doesn't take long to spend the night in New Orleans!

After a full day of work followed by a late night of meetings and worship I've realized that it doesn't take long to spend the night in New Orleans! I need much more sleep than I got last night. In other words, I'm old.
It is inspiring to work alongside these amazing collegians! Not only are we having fun, we are having great conversations as we work. The church construction teams 4 & 5 are working in is Williams Boulevard Baptist. For the past six years this congregation has hosted the State Police, the National Guard, as well as countless teams who have come to NoLa to do relief work. Many rooms have been converted to storage space. We are reclaiming the space by cleaning out, washing walls, painting and repairing, and doing some light construction (pictures are on facebook). It feels good to be doing some physical labor after sitting at the computer for months working on my dissertation.
It will be fun to see what the rest of the week holds!

Reflecting

I'm sitting alone in my hotel room in New Orleans after driving all day with 5 students from UGA for a mission trip. We start work tomorrow. The team I'm on will be assisting a church to remodel after hosting the National Guard for the past 5 years. It's horrible to think that there is still so much work left to do here as we are just starting to get reports of the destruction and loss off life in Japan following the Earthquake there last week. I hope they are able to recover more quickly than NoLa; but the devastation appears much worse, if that is possible.
I feel excited about this week, yet I also am feeling a bit out of sorts, a surreal numbness after turning in my dissertation on Thursday. I won't allow myself to get too excited. I still have my defense in a week and a half. It simultaneously feels like a monkey has jumped off my back while another, unknown monkey has climbed aboard. There is excitement about getting to actually spend time with my family each evening and on weekends & hanging out with students without worrying about writing our reading. It's exciting to be able to read for fun again! I need to take some time for reflection this week, to find a mirror to try to catch a glimpse of the new critter that has taken up residence on my shoulders.
Perhaps it is that old feeling that God is up to something, that feeling of expectancy that I am both doing what I need to be doing while believing that God is at work ahead of me, preparing me for the next thing. Whatever it is, it should be an adventure!