Goodbyes are hard

Saying goodbye is rarely easy. It appears to occur more frequently as I age, or perhaps I just notice it more nowadays. This has been a week bookended by endings. On Monday we said goodbye to our beloved family pup of 9 years. As typically happens, Shiloh had become very much a part of the fabric of our family. We adopted him when he was 3 or 4 years old. No one was quite sure of his age at the time. Nick had been going through the normal middle school blues when we decided to give him a furry friend - a great parenting moment for us.

On the way home...

It was obvious that Shiloh had suffered abuse or mistreatment in the past. We discovered after a few weeks that the pooch and crates were a poor, even disastrous, combination. Until we learned our lesson, we had to repair or replace molding, carpeting, and wallboard, not to mention the two crates that were damaged beyond usefulness. Shiloh also broke a few teeth struggling for freedom.

Nick meets Shiloh

Never a very playful dog, Shiloh loved nothing more than to sit next to our legs and have us pat him atop of his head and rub his supersoft ears; well, that and eating. I've never seen a dog more excited about food! As he aged he learned some new tricks - such as getting into cabinets to get food from the garbage can or the pantry. We think the cat taught him how to use his claws to open the doors. We have no proof, but it's a fun conspiracy theory. Besides the loss of some foodstuffs and having to clean up the inevitable mess of trash strewn around the kitchen, the worse problem came later. Imagine the messes we discovered the mornings following Shiloh eating an entire box of cocoa powder (little liquid gifts left all over Nick's bedroom carpet), or after lapping up half of a bottle of olive oil (twice), or after devouring a huge mound of grease-soaked charcoal from the smoker!

Instant friends...

Monday morning I knew something was amiss when I woke up. Shiloh was not outside of my bedroom door to greet me, tail wagging, hungry for breakfast. He had been inexplicably losing weight over the past month although his appetite had not changed. Other clues told us that he was near the end of his life. Beagle's average lifespan is nine years. We knew Shiloh to be older than that.

Shiloh's grave

I finally found him in one of our upstairs bedrooms, appearing to be sleeping naturally. He must have passed away peacefully in his sleep. I went downstairs and phoned Nick, who was enjoying a rare morning off from work. Audibly upset Nick said he was on his way. I texted Natalie too. Just before Nick arrived Nat called. She told me she was on the way as well.

He loved to roam these woods

Nick wanted to dig the grave himself. He carefully chose the site just beneath the tree line in our backyard. We shared Shiloh memories while he worked, tears moistening our cheeks. We had a few laughs about the antics of the silly pooch.

As Nick finished digging, I went upstairs to wrap his furry friend in an old sheet. I gently carried Shiloh into the backyard. I found some discarded bricks stacked beneath the deck and brought them out too. Around 8 am the whole family converged in the backyard around the shallow grave Nick had dug. As the others walked towards the gravesite, weeping, and arm in arm, I carefully laid our friend into his final resting place. We all hugged and cried together. Each of us murmured a goodbye before Nick and I filled the grave with dirt and covered it with the bricks.

Nick, of course, cracked a few jokes to lighten the mood.

The rest of the week has also been hard. It's been hard not hearing Shiloh's baying when I arrive home each evening after work. It's been hard knowing my son is grieving the loss of his friend. Nick has been back to the house to visit the gravesite. We have often looked into the backyard from inside the house to the bucolic place Shiloh is buried to remember. Each time my eyes fill with tears.

But that's not all - this week is one of another goodbye. Today is my last at the UGA BCM. I have been employed by the Georgia Baptist Convention (now Georgia Baptist Mission Board) 1989 after graduating from seminary in 1989 - 29 years ago. I have spent my professional career working for and with Baptists in Georgia and around the world. I have been at this post in Athens since July 1, 2000. As a recently retired colleague told me, "You will find that your identity is very much wrapped up in where you have worked over the past three decades." I am discovering he is correct.

While it is exciting to think about possibilities for my next job, today I'm a bit nostalgic.

Over the past month, I have given away many of the books in my vast library. But there is much left to give away, donate, or pack. At the moment I am lacking the motivation to do it.

"Free books" brought students
running to my office

So many memories, so many faces of the phenomenal students who have come through these doors, who have sat in my office, who have allowed me a glimpse into their lives - their souls - to help them narrate their way into the next part of the journey of life/faith. My office is filled, stuffed almost, with memories. Each picture from a wedding, each momento brought to me from a mission trip, each trinket collected over these long years has a face and a story attached to it. There's the license plate sent to me by Amanda with a mission trip report written on the back in sharpie. There's a similar report written on a coconut and another on an aluminum cooking pot - all sent without packaging through the mail. There's the photo of the Road Rules mission team that trekked from Athens to Atlanta, Birmingham, and Johnson City. There are two of the Dinner Theatre (DT) banners that hung outside of the BCM building, rolled up and forgotten in the corner of my office. There are also random DT props cluttering the nooks and crannies of my office, including a giant book and a handmade wooden rifle behind my door. There's the piece of a tire on the corner of my desk collected from a rural highway on Ride for Christ, our annual bike ride from Athens to Jacksonville. There are the comics that clutter my office door, noticed and read by students through the years. There's the framed article that Jenna's dad wrote to celebrate her graduation describing her years in college and involvement in BCM. There's the plaque of appreciation from the Korean Baptist Convention; the stash of 14 coffee mugs (some with molded coffee still in the bottom); the little pot, one of 1000 I made for the statewide, "Molded by the Master" conference; the notebooks from each leadership team; and the books, the never-ending shelves of books.

Thomas and Abby "shopping" on
my bookshelves

My library has been a source of encouragement and inspiration to hundreds of students. I loan them freely. In fact, alumni have come back to visit with books in hand, discovered as they unpacked after a move. They say, "funny thing - we found some of your books. Sorry, it's been ten years!" Often I have purchased the books again, only to loan them out again.

So instead of packing, I sit here at my messy desk reminiscing - sometimes smiling, often with tears trickling down my cheeks. Several students in town for summer school have stopped by today. They know today is my last. Each one has come in for small talk. Most have mentioned something about today being the last day they will see me in this role. Oh, there will be an official send-off in a month or so. I will see most of them again then. But not here. Not in this sacred space. Yes, it's just an office - a very messy, cluttered office. But even space can be sacred. It can become liminal - a thin space where heaven and Earth seem to meet. Over the years this place has become that for me and for many of the students who ventured in to chat. In this space, students have come to know themselves and their God a bit better. In this space, I have counseled more than 50 couples to prepare them for marriage. In this space, students have learned to laugh and love and serve in the name of Jesus. In this space students have opened dark corners of their hearts and minds, revealing deep hurts and heavy burdens that they can no longer bear alone. In this space, many tears have been shed. In this space, much laughter has been shared. In this space...

Goodbyes are hard.

Goodbyes are hard not because of leaving a space as much as because of the people we have met along our journeys. I will have another office, but it will not be this one. I will probably one day have another dog, but it will not be Shiloh. However, as I say goodbye I take with me wonderful memories of him and of the many students and alumni that I will carry with me forever. Perhaps - I hope - I have helped some of the folks who have entered this space over the years. But part of what makes the goodbyes so hard is that I know I am not the same since coming here. I have changed, grown. All of the faces, all of the people who have passed through this office door have left an indelible mark on me. Each one has helped me become the man that I am today. I leave this place a different person than I was when I arrived in 2000. This office, this space, holds all of those stories, all of those experiences. Each trinket on the bookshelves and walls prompts remembrance of those people and those stories. Without this space will I be able to remember all who have been here, all who have touched my soul? I smile as I look around and remember each one. I savor the memories while I recall many of the conversations, the lightbulb moments, the boxes of tissues emptied, the many hugs.

Today I will leave this space tearful, yes, but full of joy and anticipation for the relationships I will make in my next stop.

So it's time. I'm going to put on some good music, a soundtrack perhaps, the strains of which will narrate my packing - and my remembering:

"I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them. And we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you."

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."*

So with a heart full of joy, with tears leaking down my face, I say goodbye to this place and to all of the incredible people I have met here. It's been quite a ride. Please keep in touch.

*From Wicked 

Walking in Memphis

This week I am in Memphis on a mission trip with five students from the University of Georgia (three seniors, one junior and one recent graduate). We arrived in the city late Saturday afternoon. After an evening of settling in and a Sunday of worship, orientation and prayer-driving areas we will work in, we are ready this Monday morning to start work. Late last night the students decided we needed to trek across the river to Waffle House. So at 11pm we piled into the van to drive to Arkansas - only 8 miles away. Someone qued a playlist and cranked the volume. Soon “Walking in Memphis” was blaring through the speakers with everyone singing along. 

Memphis means “enduring and beautiful” in ancient Greek. As we drove through the city yesterday - and again in the wee hours of this morning - I must admit I didn’t see much beauty except when we traveled the more wealthy parts of the city. As the leader of this journey I was thinking about issues of safety and, honesty, just wanted to pass quickly through the rougher parts of town. 

This week our devotionals and evening conversations emerge from Paul’s love-letter to the Philippians. Paul longed to return to this small community and the church he started there. He confessed that he thanked God for them every time he thought about that community. Paul traveled his world seeing it as he thought God did. He didn’t avoid the bad parts of town, but sought to tell everyone he encountered about the Love and grace of God found in Christ. He had learned to see with God’s eyes, learned to see every place and every person as a Memphis, enduring and beautiful. 

In my personal devotion this morning I was reminded that often my initial thoughts are not the best ones. While safety is important on such trips, as the leader of this endeavor perhaps I need to be focused more on those to whom we have come to minister - whether the homeless man shuffling by asking for a cup of coffee in the early dawn light or the refugee kids we will be working with at their apartment complex Thursday afternoon. My prayer for this week (and most days) is "Lord, give us your eyes, your hands, your feet":

“Lord, help us examine ourselves and see if we are willing to give all for you. Search our hearts and convict us where there is still fear, self-preoccupation, and lack of trust. Amen. 

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you : wherever he may send you; may he guide you through the wilderness : protect you through the storm; may he bring you home rejoicing : at the wonders he has shown you; may he bring you home rejoicing : once again into our doors.” (From Common Prayer, by Claiborne, Wilson-Hargrove, and Okoro)

Everything Changes (part 3): Three basic perspectives among emerging adults

As I have been talking with lots of Collegians and young adults this week, I’ve been trying to make sense out of what I have been hearing (read my previous two blog entries to find out more). My penchant for categories has come to the fore. Please note that the philosophical perspectives summarized below do not do justice to the complicated theories that comprise libraries full of books and articles. For the sake of helping us to wrap our minds around the worldview of emerging and young adults, here are three broad categories I’ve identified this week with summary explanations and possible implications for the church. I admit that I may be way off base. I might change my categories or ideas as I talk to a broader group of emerging adults and those who work with them. However, these three groupings of worldviews have appeared to come into focus for me:

Modernism/Foundationalism (old school)

Modernism is the worldview from which most contemporary adults (35+ in age) were educated and that through which we still make meaning of our world and our experiences. It is framed by the belief that there are universal absolute objective truths that we can see, uncover, or discover if we work hard enough or think hard enough. It’s this empirical scientific worldview which gave us the greatest generation and most major societal advancements of the last century. Students who approach the world through this lens ignore or criticize the “liberal” ideas they hear in class or see in some of their peers (or only learn the ideas to regurgitate on exams and in papers before promptly putting it out of their thoughts). These students speak our language and attend our churches & ministries. They lament with their parents and church members that the world is moving in the wrong direction. They find places they can escape (or find sanctuary) from the craziness of the academic world around them. Often these young people find solace in their religious practice and community. They too are frustrated that their evangelistic efforts rarely work and that numbers of their peers in churches and campus ministries are dwindling. They too want to make America and our churches "great again," bringing back the world they know to be better because it was grounded in unchanging truth. This worldview birthed the "Religious Right." To the modernist mindset, the “new age” ideas in colleges, schools, and on TV are disturbing. The solution is to withdraw or cocoon with likeminded friends and church members. They homeschool their children and seek alternative afterschool programs. They might even seek to live in communities and neighborhoods of people who share their worldview. The basic modernist idea is that we need to double down on our beliefs, organize around a hero or two, and through legislation and even strong-arm tactics, bring back the bygone golden era to protect our society from the evils of left-wing politics, education, and religion.

Postmodernism/Constructivism/Social Constructionism

Postmodern philosophy grew out of the 1960’s radicalism as an enlightenment of free thought, free action, and freedom to be. It sought to break down barriers of inequality and the mindless following of rules and/or authorities (sometimes referred to as “the man”), calling for a new guiding principle of love, equality, and positive emotional experiences. However, somewhere along the way, these ideas of freedom of expression were co-opted. A few influential writers like Foucault, Derrida, and Butler isolated and intellectualized the ideas from the communally embodied, emotional, experiential beginnings in what we have called the “Hippy movement” of the 1960s and 70s. The broad themes of unrest that emerged in the 60’s were reduced to an argument (starting in France) against the grand narratives of Modernism in language, art, and literature; thus, “Postmodernism.” The basic idea is that all knowledge is socially constructed; there is no empirical truth. Therefore, pure postmodernists believe that even science and scientific research should be called into question as being fundamentally biased, and therefore, flawed. 

Over time, the revelations of this period were appropriated by the intellectual elite who had no connection with practical applications save in the dismantling of anything deemed modern or bound by tradition. To get a more in-depth presentation of the various aspects of Postmodern thought, click this link: Postmodernism. 

Many of the questions being asked and ideas being deconstructed have needed to occur. I have often argued that all research is biased. It was out of this effort that the civil rights movement gained steam, questions were raised over the US military involvement in Vietnam (and other countries), and equal rights of women in the workplace. However, critics have argued that for many the true goal of intellectual Postmodernism is a total deconstruction and dismantling of societal norms without seeking to rebuild a better world in its place. Therefore, it is sometimes believed that Postmodernism is a negative or nihilistic worldview, not one that seeks a greater societal good. This is not always the case. Often such stereotypes oversimplify complex ideas and theories, and in doing so nullify the possibility of good discussions that need to occur. 

Quite often when I am visiting churches parents will ask me how their children grew up with such liberal ideas that are contrary to their worldview. I try to gently show these concerned parents that our children have believed what we have taught them in our homes, playgrounds, and schools: everyone is equal, everyone is valuable, everyone is special, every question raised or choice of living and being is OK, and diversity is essential. Many parents are comfortable with the ideas their children espouse, but others are surprised when their kids begin to repeat what parents might see as beliefs that are contrary to their own modernist worldviews. Our children have learned their lessons well. Those exposed to this worldview for the past 30-40 years have now become parents, legislators, educators, screenwriters, novelists, and marketers. In a nutshell, our students have been the beneficiaries of society’s efforts toward egalitarianism and civility.  

Many conservative Americans immediately dismiss Postmodernism as incompatible with their strongly held politics and/or religious beliefs because several of the most outspoken intellectuals who latched onto Postmodern ideas identified as Socialists or LGBTQ. These theorists appeared to be using their own perspective to explore and validate why their identities and beliefs were valid and should be accepted as normative. Many of these theorists are those lauded in academic settings and on whose work current identity politics are based. These complicated philosophical ideas have filtered down through the educational systems into society in France, Canada, and the US.

Postmodern ideas have been interpreted in the mainstream culture as relativism: “there are no absolutes; everything is relative.” Many Postmodern theorists cringe at the equivalency. While similar, the two philosophies are not exactly the same. In the world of many emerging and young adults, all reality is constructed within specific contexts and experiences; therefore, we should not judge others for their beliefs, appearance, choices, or lifestyles. For this generation, the statement, “that may be true for you, but it’s not my reality” is not a problematic, nor confusing thing to say or believe. It is what we as a society have, perhaps inadvertently, taught them. These ideas have become entrenched in most areas of the public sphere. It is our new cultural milieu in Europe, Canada, and the United States. 

Because of the rejection of grand narratives (inclusive metanarratives that attempt to explain everything), mainstream religions are typically avoided and often scoffed at. The term “spiritual but not religious” gained popularity among those who expressed a felt need for spirituality, but who rejected the holistic claims of religions. Any group or individual claiming to hold “the truth” is avoided, particularly if this truth excludes or might be thought to marginalize others in any way. There has been a rise in popularity of Buddhism, Hinduism and other more philosophical spiritualities that have meditative practices that can be removed from wholesale adherence to that faith. Contemplative or centering meditation, mindfulness, and Yoga are all borrowed from these faith traditions. Not all are practiced with a religious devotion, but all have spiritual applications and uses. Even the language used in the experiences comes from those religions. 

Again, it is important to understand that not all Postmodern ideas and questions are negative. There is truth in the claim that all knowledge and ideas are socially constructed - that is why each culture has deeply held beliefs and practices. We can probably also agree that there are some ideas and practices that need to be questioned and/or re-evaluated from time to time. Some systems need to be deconstructed.

Over the past two decades, Christian theologians and ministers have written about the many positive implications of postmodern ideals for the life of the church and for evangelism. Most of these writers, however, did not foresee the extent to which the ideas have been adopted, applied, and often perverted in the mainstream. In my ministry with students, it has sometimes been helpful to get them to identify the narratives or themes of their individual lives that are often very different from that of their peers. Helping them to see and understand the ways that they construct meaning can be cathartic. It can also help them to identify the ways that they are unique, the ways their talents and giftedness can be used in the future as a guide for career choices, relationships, etc. Sometimes it can help individuals gain some sense of agency in their lives when they have felt victimized or trapped by their past.

There are many different interpretations and manifestations of Postmodern thought. I encourage you to read broadly on the subject to better understand the philosophy and worldview as well as to help figure out how to parent, minister, and function in our changing society.

Hybrid Modern/Postmodern Worldview: 

There appears to be a large group of emerging and young adults who somehow bridge the disparate Modern and Postmodern worldviews and who try to navigate between the two opposed perspectives. These folks grew up in families and churches that were Modernist in belief and practice, yet they have friends, classmates, and teachers who operate from a Constructivistic worldview. These students may be deeply rooted in faith, but they live in a world of constant change and fluidity. Instead of hiding away or retreating from the ideas encountered in class and in popular culture, these emerging and young adults have somehow embraced both schools of thought, yet have relegated each, to varying degrees, to specific aspects of their lives. In many ways, they have skillfully become masters of compartmentalization. In religious practice, their faith is highly personal, yet they also enjoy lively, contemporary corporate worship. However, they are reticent to engage in evangelism because they don’t want to mix or challenge their worldviews. The answers and often convoluted theologies they have adopted work for them, but they don’t want to be tested against the questioning of their peers. Their segmentation and theological gymnastics work just fine in their own lives, thank you very much - just don't ask them too many questions or ask them to explain their systematic theology. 

My fear is that when these Christian "hybrid" emerging adults exit college they will either move more fully into an unexamined skeptical Postmodern mindset and walk away from the church altogether or they will become casual church attendees, relegating their faith expression primarily to a personal quiet time each day. Keeping it solely personal will allow them to keep their faith while living in a Postmodern world without ever feeling or acknowledging the conflict between their coexisting, and seemingly conflicting, worldviews. 

Before the revelations of the past week I had not fully understood alumni who told me they "could not find a church" that met their needs, yet they continued to have a regular personal devotional as well as gather with a small group of like-minded friends for fellowship which often involved religious discussion and perhaps singing their favorite worship songs. They attend concerts of bands that primarily perform worship songs (complete with lyrics projected on huge screens behind the band). The crowd typically sings along. Folks have posted pictures of these concert events on social media with the caption, "I've been to church." Perhaps they have discovered or are creating a new form of "church" to which those of us more embedded in traditional models cannot relate? 

I think I am starting to understand their perspectives and how they arrived in this odd hybrid place. However, the question for me is what now? Where do we go from here? How do we seek to minister in this new context? Do our structures need to adapt and change? Does our method of outreach and evangelism need to change? Do our discipleship and teaching plans need to be adjusted? 

What are your thoughts? Let's continue to dialog with each other and with the emerging adults in our lives about their worldviews and how to best understand and minister to them.

Everything Changes (part 2): Some Responses

The Postmodern conception of no absolutes should not come as a surprise to those who are well read. However, the speed at which this philosophical idea has penetrated and permeated society, especially among younger generations, is disturbing to many adults. “The only thing in my world that is consistent is change,” collegians involved in our ministry have confessed. I posted an entry on my blog earlier this week that was birthed from a conversation with graduating seniors with whom I meet weekly for Bible study and reflection about commitment. Since the post went up I have received many comments via text, messenger, email, as well as personal conversations that support the observations and conclusions therein. This post is to share some of those responses. I will continue to explore these thoughts so please add your ideas, especially as they relate to your personal experiences and conversations with emerging adults. 

From Collegians:

[my paraphrase from a personal conversation] I completely agree. For my unbelieving friends, it’s even more true - there is nothing that we can rely on - even relationships. In fact, I understand why many of my peers don’t put extra effort into relationships when they begin to get rocky. It’s not worth it. Just find a new relationship. With sex too - why wait? When marriage is not a sure thing in your future it’s no surprise that folks believe you should just try to get whatever you can from a relationship while it lasts. (From a 3rd-year Christian collegian)

“I completely agree with that idea about change. But I don’t agree when it concerns faith. My faith is my foundation.” (From a junior student leader in BCM)

“This was so good, Nathan. Definitely the worldview I can relate to and would still hold if God didn’t wreck it & draw me in to seek His real, unchanging character. Maybe I would’ve never said it out loud but after growing up hearing about Old Testament God who floods the earth and sends His people to kill thousands and won’t even let Moses into the promised land when he strikes a rock once after his years of “faithful service” in contrast with New Testament God, it was hard to believe that He could not change. However, God in His sovereignty took me through suffering that legitimately called everything I thought about God into question & forced me to seek who He really is—steadfast, glory-driven, and the one who cannot change but changes everything. Maybe the most shocking/life-changing Word for me was in Genesis 3, when He LITERALLY kills animals to cover their shame, the aftermath of their sin. He makes the first blood shed on earth an animal’s blood when it so rightly deserved to be man. First of all, I’d never thought much about God’s grace in that chapter and if I had at all, it would’ve been that He changed his mind even though He promised death if they ate from the tree—upon further review, I realized I’d never been more wrong. This picture of God was so clearly the exact same God promising a sacrificial lamb all through the OT and sending His very SON in the NT. That idea rocked my world. God continued to draw me in more & more & reveal His character to me, especially His zeal for glory & His total sovereignty. A couple years later, it’s still sometimes hard to shake the worldview that faithfulness is conditional sometimes (especially when my eyes get off of God & on me/the world). Being faithful in the little things isn’t just hard or difficult, it’s impossible apart from God, but it’s part of sanctification and will come by God changing it in us so I’m praying about it for myself and my friends and my generation.” (From a current student at UGA)

“Love the blog post. Very ironic because I just wrote a paper about the exact same thing in [a class].... I think the best way [to reach out to nonbelievers] is how you mentioned God's faithfulness. I'm preaching on Joseph this Sunday and it's such an awesome story because it shows that even when bad things happen, God is still working for our good. Conveying that to people is important. And then for marriage, I wrote about love is not just an emotion but a decision. You may not always like your spouse or what they are doing in that moment but you should always love and sacrifice for them.” (From a BCM leader who is also on staff at a local church)

From Ministers and/or Teachers:

“This was interesting to read but I kind of understand from the students thinking. Not necessarily agreeing but something that should be discussed more! Thanks for sharing! Miss you friend!” (From a former Baptist Campus Minister Intern, now seminary student, who is only a few years post graduation). 

"The world we live in, the world I have come to know, is one that is full of change. So much so, that I find myself not only expecting change, but craving it. I want new experiences, new places, new people, new things. Change has become almost a synonym for success in some ways. If things are staying the same, it feels like failure - which I don’t really know how to explain. But if things are changing, it feels like success - 'at least things are moving, at least we are headed somewhere' are thoughts that run through my mind in times like this.

As a recent graduate, this concept has come up quite often for me. As I navigate this new season of life, of trying to decide where it is I need to go from here, as I try to discern what it is the Lord has for me in this life, I find myself anxious. I feel change coming, but now it's a change that I’m uncertain of. In the midst of this changing state of life, I do crave solid foundations - relationships, ideas, etc. - to cling to. I have been raised to believe in commitment, and I understand the merit of it, but the difficulty arises in seeing how it comes into play in such a changing world. When is it okay to leave a place that you’ve committed to? When is it not? These are questions that plague my mind. 

In conclusion, though, I believe you are right, this is most certainly an opportunity to minister well to an entire generation. I see beauty in commitment. I see the value there. It is just hard to know how to put it into practice at times. I am thankful for a God that is unchanging through the storms of life. I am thankful for a Savior who offers grace in EVERY circumstance. I am thankful for these truths about my King. However, in times like I am in, I feel like we (my generation) need people like yourself to come alongside us and encourage us to receive that blessing of commitment, to learn how to navigate it well, and to rid ourselves of anxiety and stress by trusting in the unchanging One." (From a recent graduate, current youth minister/seminarian)

“Great thoughts and insights. I think this highlights that one of the greatest gifts clergy, mentors, parents, etc can give our teenagers/emerging adults is that of a consistent presence. In addition, I am glad you discussed how faithfulness correlates with action. That reminds us that one of the strengths of this generation is their determination to equate beliefs and actions and to distrust those entities/institutions/individuals that cannot back up beliefs with the corresponding action.” (From a 30 something, seminary-trained college administrator/teacher, and former associate pastor)

"We don't need to try to change their worldview, but learn how to engage with them and teach them how God wants to enter into their world and provide a foundation for connection to the divine and to others." (From a thirty-something Lutheran pastor)

“This is all really good and very accurate. I think you’ve found something good to spend time praying over and exploring.” (From an emerging Adult who is an elementary school teacher)

“Why does this have to be a negative? Several folks who commented on Facebook don’t seem to understand these ideas so they dismiss them as crazy or immature. These ideas are not going away, but will only become more pervasive. How can we think differently so as to embrace these ideas of change? How can we begin to see what they see and adapt our teaching and ministry accordingly?” (From a 50+ year-old parent and middle school teacher)

Updated 12/6/17

Everything Changes (part 1): The prevailing worldview of emerging adults

"I'm struggling with anxiety."
"I'm taking medication for depression and panic attacks."
"There is nothing in my life that I can rely on."
"I am afraid I will be alone forever."
"I have a 3.94 grade point average, but I am afraid I am going to flunk out of school."

This week individual students in our ministry have confessed to feeling each of these to me.

We have been discussing relationships this semester through the framework of the Old Testament book of the Song of Solomon. Primarily, we have been addressing love, dating, and marriage; but, of course, we have alluded to all types of relationships in which our students at the University of Georgia might find themselves. This past week at our worship Gathering, I had the honor of wrapping up the series by addressing the topic of faithfulness. I began my talk by saying that commitment seems different for each generation. My father's generation went to work right out of high school or college and expected to retire from the company that first employed them. Similarly, they expected that job to provide not only a good salary, but a good pension after retirement until they died. My generation doesn't have such lofty expectations, but we do believe that there are some commitments and relationships that are for life. I told of how when we were engaged, Karen and I agreed that divorce would never be an option for us. We would do whatever it took to make this marriage work. That conversation occurred over 32 years ago. While we have had a few rough spots in the midst of wedded bliss, we have always been determined to work through whatever issue came along.

Today's generation of students have very different understandings of commitment from my father's generation and from my own. I admitted to those gathered for worship that I don't really understand how today's emerging (18-27) and young (28-32) adults think about commitment and faithfulness. It seems very fluid to me. A few days later I was leading a small group of graduating seniors in a bible study on the same topic. We were discussing my sermon. I ventured to ask the four students present, "define faithfulness and commitment for me. How do you understand the two terms?"

What they told me left me stunned.

They began with faithfulness. Faithfulness, according to the fourth and fifth-year college students gathered around the table, is what one does to fulfill a commitment. It is an action-based word. Commitment refers to the promises one makes and are situated in time, place, and circumstances. The group continued to flesh out their ideas. They talked about the ways and circumstances in which they might change their mind after making a solid commitment. I asked a few follow-up questions, including, "what is the one foundational truth that you can count on?" Their answer - "everything changes." I pressed, "So the only thing you can count on in life is that tomorrow will be different than today? That what you know, feel, and understand today will be different or will not exist tomorrow?" They all agreed.

I asked the question again, just to make sure I had heard them correctly. "So I hear you saying that the only constant in your world, the only thing on which you can rely with absolute certainty, is that everything changes, that what you know to be true today might very well be different tomorrow?" Again, they all agreed.

I told them I needed a minute. I sat stunned, letting the impact of this realization sink in.

These were all Christian students, who have been in our program of ministry and discipleship for 4-5 years. For these students, many of them leaders in our Christian campus organization, there is no firm foundation, no solid rock on which they can rely! After I recovered, I told the group that this realization would probably change the way that I do collegiate ministry.

As we continued to talk I asked about specific examples that have been sources of frustration to the collegiate ministry staff. For example, when students apply for leadership positions in our ministry in the spring we ask them to commit to attend specific events and activities already on the calendar for the following fall, winter, and spring. The vast majority of student applicants readily assent to all of the required activities. A few rare students will provide specific details of why they may not be able to make one or another event. However, when those events arise the following year, many student leaders will emerge with excuses of why they cannot attend. When I asked my gathered Bible study group about this example none of them saw a problem with these student's actions. They suggested that when they commit to something in the future they mean it at the time of commitment. However, for them, reality might change. If reality changes, their commitments no longer are valid because they were made under different circumstances. These emerging adults then feel completely justified in changing their mind with no guilt, thus breaking their previous commitment. Such realities could include another better or more fun opportunity that could not have been foreseen (like a concert by a trendy new band). The same argument can also be made for moral and ethical issues.

Every decision, every commitment, every promise, every relationship for contemporary young adults is based on present realities.

For many emerging and young adults today, there are no anchors, no constants. There are no people, relationships, institutions, ideals, or ideas that are unchanging. In their world, everything changes. Permanence is but a word with no practical example. Like the permanent hair treatment my wife used to get in the 80's, which eventually faded and washed away, for contemporary students, nothing remains the same for long. Phones costing upwards of $1000.00 need to be replaced at least every year or two (even when they still work great), because they become obsolete. Jobs lose their luster after just a few weeks. College majors are switched on a whim. Relationships quickly lose their spark and are cast aside. Best friends come and go. Marriages end. Parents get divorced. The country is always at war, though the enemies seem to switch with the seasons. There is a constant fear of a terrorist attacking somewhere, sometime when we will least expect it. But it will come - even when safe at church or in our classroom. Our heroes of faith and politics fall after being caught in one scandal or another. When even the best apartments and/or roommates begin to wear on you, you move locations and swap for new companions each year.

Everything changes. Nothing is reliable.

Just as clothing styles cycle, washing machines, and furniture are only made to last three to five years. The manufacturers know that consumers soon tire of even the most expensive products. In a few years, they are aware that shoppers will want the newest, shiniest, and most advanced versions so there is no need to make long-lasting products. Repairs often cost as much as a new machine because the equipment is engineered to be made quickly and inexpensively, but not to be easily repaired. They have learned not to get too emotionally attached to anything or anyone because to do so will mean pain when the relationship shifts or the feelings change. Even the business world knows everything changes. Nothing is made to last long.

For many in this generation, even the idea of God being unchanging, being ever-loving, ever-faithful is hard, if not impossible to grasp, much less believe and put faith and trust in. Just as these emerging adult's reality, situation, and feelings change constantly, so must God's, they believe. "God may love me today," they think, "but what about tomorrow? Surely God will feel different about me tomorrow."

Of course there are exceptions to this worldview. There are young and emerging adults who present a more traditional understanding of commitment, who do not see the world as being so fluid. But even with many of these - for I have talked with them - they feel only loosely connected to such a staid belief. They too have known far too much change if not in their own experience, in that of their friends.

Is there any wonder so many students suffer from medically diagnosed anxiety disorders and depression? Is it any wonder so many are on pills for anxiety and depression? Is there any wonder young adults are hesitant to enter into any type of committed relationships, much less a marriage when they are confident that such an arrangement, based on fleeting emotions, will probably soon end? It's much safer, they believe, to move-in with someone they love, knowing that it will end before too long, than to enter into a marriage commitment when divorce is the likely outcome!

I am becoming more and more convinced that understanding someone's worldview is essential to understanding that individual. What one believes determines how they live. One cannot simply overcome core perspectives. Worldview is literally the lens through which the world is seen and experienced. One's worldview determines not only one's thoughts, but also one's actions, beliefs, hopes, and expectations.

Dan McAdams (1985) has suggested that humans make meaning through stories. The grand narratives we believe and tell ourselves are the essential frameworks for our lives. Our stories comprise our worldview. This idea also applies to communities. Each culture in the world has shared stories that bind them together. Tribes have common stories that give their community meaning. Outsiders may not see, and if seen, often do not understand many of the stories a particular tribe might share. The result is that outsiders interpret these tribes as odd, weird, or uneducated. To successfully work with emerging adults one must understand the core narratives and common plots shared within their culture.

It has become clear to me that many emerging and young adults today have no secure foundation upon which to build a comforting and safe worldview. Some may argue that this perspective is only a passing developmental task. That soon these emerging adults will find secure footing in their world as they come to know themselves better, as their identity solidifies. Jeff Arnett (2004), in proposing a new stage of development between adolescence and young adulthood, says that "emerging adulthood" is marked by instability, identity exploration, self-focus, a feeling of being in-between, and innumerable possibilities. However, in Arnett's research and writing these ideations are quickly worked through and appear directly related to jobs, personal relationships, and similar age-related issues. What I heard from my students during the Bible study seemed to be a much more pervasive issue - a worldview. In fact, their prevailing perspective is that there is no solid foundation, no constant, no solid, no enduring truth or relationship. In their world, everything changes.

I have begun asking students and young adults if this idea is true in their experience. So far none have contradicted the fluidity of their lives, of their worlds. I have also begun talking with campus ministry colleagues about the worldview of those with whom we work. Each one has been just as shocked as I was about this revelation. Each has also said we need to be talking about this to find some ways to properly engage our students about this issue.

I want to invite you to join in the conversation, seeking positive ways to help counter this narrative of constant change and/or help our students find firm ground in the midst of their changing world.

So how do we seek to do ministry in such a milieu? How do we, who believe in the existence of a loving, relational God who is omnipresent and unchanging, teach this truth of this generation?

Here are a few suggestions:

1) Initiate casual listening conversations with young adults about commitment, faithfulness, and their expectations for the future. Listen to their fears. Listen to understand their perspective while gently sharing your own worldview. Seek to understand both sides of the very different generational perspectives on commitment and change. Engaging in conversation about this specific topic will allow us to address their often unspoken reality and embedded fear of being alone or abandoned.

2) Initiate conversations with colleagues in collegiate ministry, with those who mentor emerging adults, and with those who employ twenty-somethings about effective ways to engage this age group who have varying worldviews about the world. I surmise that there is not going to be a one-size-fits-all approach that helps emerging adults feel secure in the world - even from a faith perspective. We need to pool our expertise and share what we are learning.

3) Do a personal study of the Bible on the topic of the faithfulness of God so you can have an informed discussion about the topic with young people who believe the world has no solid footholds. For Christians, our worldview should be centered in the reality of Jesus and our ever-present God who promised the eternal Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, to be God-with-us, to guide us, comfort us, speak to us, and never leave us. Knowing the reality of God is a strong foundation on which to build a more worldview that is not one of fear, but confidence and security no matter what is happening around us.

4) Use information gleaned in the above personal study to plan a study group, a course of teaching, or a sermon series for your community of faith on the topic of God's faithfulness in the midst of change and chaos.

5) Find a sympathetic and knowledgeable pastoral counselor or counseling pastor who will come into your group to lead a study on managing anxiety in times of chaos and change. Talking about the subject publicly can begin to take away the stigma of admitting having such problems/fears.

6) Find emerging adults and older members of your faith community who have strong testimonies of God's faithfulness in the midst of periods of drastic change. Have them share their stories in worship settings to demonstrate that this worldview is inaccurate.

7) Find hymns, poems/stories, books and scriptural examples of God's faithfulness to use in various settings with young adults. I've listed some below. I welcome you to suggest ideas in the comments. Explain the stories behind each hymn or poem before presenting or singing it in a worship setting.

• Hymns: Great is Thy Faithfulness, The Solid Rock, How Firm a Foundation, and It is Well with My Soul. What are some others you would suggest? 
• Poems/stories: What are some recommendations?
• Books: Ideas for fiction or non-fiction books you have read?
• Websites/blog posts: Henri Nouwen Society on covenants, 
• Scripture: Abraham's story (Genesis 12-21), Moses's story & the Exodus story (found in Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy), Joshua (Joshua and Judges; ending with Judges 2:1), Jesus promise of his presence (Matthew 28:18-20), Jesus's giving of the Holy Spirit (John 20:22), Psalm 40:1-3.

References

• Arnett, Jeffrey Jensen (2004). Emerging adulthood: The winding road from the late teens through the twenties. New York: Oxford University Press. 

• Dunn, Richard R., and Jana L. Sundene (2012). Shaping the journey of emerging adults: Life-giving rhythms for spiritual transformation. Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press. 

• McAdams, Dan P. (1985). Power intimacy, and the life story: Personological inquiries into identity. Homewood: Dorsey Press. 

edited/updated 12/6/17

Intimacy with God

For Christians the key to a deep relationship with God is found through the brotherhood we share with Jesus. Adherents of many religions and sadly, even many Christians, never move beyond an infatuation stage in their relationship with God. Most who become enamored with God do so because of God's majesty, transcendence, holiness; basically many people adopt a religion because of God's otherness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging and worshipping the creator of the universe. In fact, such is to be encouraged! But for Christians the beauty of the trinity - one God represented in the three persons of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - is what demonstrates the accessibility of God. More so, the Biblical allusions to God present in the human form of Jesus of Nazareth shows that God actually pursues a relationship with creation, that this majestic holy God actually loves the beings God created. With a miopic view of a transcendent God such an image would seem absurd. But if God gave up heaven to come to Earth to live as a man there must be a reason beyond a bored-God hypothesis. It would appear that God desired a relationship with creation that could not be attained with a Heaven bound God and Earth bound humans.

There is little wonder why there are so many marital analogies comparing the relationship between human and the Divine found in the Bible and in other mystical writings, including those of the early Christian era. The intimacy required is the same for humans learning to love, whether the object of love is God or another person. Richard Rohr (2013, Immortal Diamonds) observes,
"It is almost impossible to fall in love with majesty, power, or perfection. These make us both fearful and codependent, but seldom truly loving. On some level, love can happen only between equals, and vulnerability levels the playing field. What Christians believe is that God somehow became our equal when he became the human "Jesus," a name that is, without doubt, the vulnerable name for God" (p. 171).

Such a concept is difficult for many Christians to hear. It sounds irreverent at best if not blasphemous! But the beauty and mystery of the Trinity is found in the distinctiveness yet sameness of each person - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In love God lowered God's self to take on human flesh and human nature (see Philippians 2). Through that act of Godly humility we have access to God in a new way - as a peer, as a sibling, or literally as "one of us." Many days the accessibility of God through the brotherhood of Jesus keeps the gnawing doubts at bay. 

Immanuel, again

While visiting my mother just before Christmas this year I had an epiphany. A little background is needed before I reveal my revelation.  Mom lives in Macon, a struggling middle Georgia city that in July was named the 3rd worst place in the United States for property crime. Sirens can be heard almost hourly from her home, even though it is nestled in an established, wooded neighborhood on the outskirts of town. My nephew used to work in the DA's office in Macon and often warned us of areas of town and routes through town that should be avoided.

On the Sunday before Christmas we attended Mom's uptown church where she sings in the choir and teaches Sunday School. It is a very traditional, if not liturgical, style of worship for a Baptist congregation. As in most Christian congregations music is an essential aspect of the Advent and Christmas season here. The older I get the more I find music to be the most meaningful part of the season. As the brass quintet played "What child is This?" I closed my eyes and let the music wash over, through me. I tried to capture the peace and holiness of the moment. In the midst of shopping, traveling and juggling the many demands of celebrating the holiday properly I needed a respite, a glimpse of that seemingly forgone silent night, holy night. Just as I was beginning to capture the sought after feeling a siren sounded in the distance. As the music crescendoed, the refrain was drowned out by the harsh wailing of the passing emergency vehicle. Self righteously, I found my anger rising. However, just as quickly, as the siren faded, slowly replaced by the sweet tunes in the sanctuary, the meaning of the music - and the season - dawned on me. The "Silent Night" of my Christmas fantasies is but a myth. The Christ child did not come on a perfect night devoid of the interruptions of normal of life. No, Jesus was was born on a normal night, in an overcrowded town filled with families and noisy animals.  As the story is told, the baby Jesus, the Emmanuel - literally "God with us" - entered this life the stablemate of farm animals.  It was not a pure, holy, quiet, peaceful event.

"What child is this," the beloved Christmas hymn inquires? It is the God who dared and dares to enter into our own mundane or hectic lives bring the divine presence where we are. Jesus does not wait for us to achieve perfection to come. Jesus does not wait for all to be stress free. Jesus does not wait for us to get it all together. No, Jesus comes everyday, at every moment, in every place, sirens and all.

In her recent book Pastorix, Nadia Bolz-Weber shared the story of when she served as a hospital chaplain. New to the job she was called to the ER where all in attendance were working to save an unconscious man stretched out on the gurney. She felt out of place and didn't know what her job was supposed to be. She asked a passing nurse who responded, "Your job is to seek and acknowledge the presence of God in this place." Belz-Weber reflected that the nurse's statement has become one of her guiding visions for her life and her ministry. It is also a fitting reminder to me this Christmas.

So this season, forget the silent night. It probably doesn't exist where you live. I know I've not seen or experienced such in a long time! Instead, in the midst of your "everyday, ordinary life -- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life" (Romans 12:1, The Message), in the midst of your celebrating or grieving or longing or hoping, look for and welcome the very presence of God in you and all around you. Such is reason to celebrate! Emmanuel! God IS with us!