Children are a gift from God: Meet Steve & Melissa

Melissa and Joannah, one of their adopted children

The occasions when I reconnect with alumni that have been gone from Athens for a while usually bring a broad smile to my face! It is absolutely wonderful to work with students during their years in Athens and then discover how they have faced life's challenges and opportunities many years down the road. Such is the case with Steve and Melissa. I have kept up with them via the wonderful world of Facebook, but only in a cursory way. I knew where they were living and basically what they were doing with their careers. I had heard from their peers that they had entered into the world of foster care and had adopted two of the children that had come through their home. However, I didn't know the half of it.

Steve and Melissa were both involved as student leaders in BCM while at UGA. They credit their time together then as foundational for their lives now. In BCM they learned what it meant to be Christian adults whose faith was integrated into all areas of life. Steve graduated soon after I arrived in Athens, but Melissa stayed on to finish her degree for a year or so longer. Steve got a job in law enforcement and was involved in training and getting accustomed to the work. They married in 2004 after she graduated and moved south. Melissa stays busy working part time as a speech therapist at a hospital and in private practice while managing their busy, and full house.

A few years into their marriage they bought a house that, according to Steve, "was too big for a young married couple so we decided to jump into foster care and put the 2 extra bedrooms to use." After they were approved by the state and got their foster care license they began to welcome children into their home. Before long they had to add on to the house, adding another bedroom.

Steve writes about their experience becoming foster parents:

"Our first placement was 3 young boys that were only with us for a week. I went out of town for work and when I came back they were gone and I never got to say goodbye. I was amazed at how attached I had become to them in just a short amount of time. After that, we had a brother and sister move in with us. They were babies at the time and we raised them for 2 years before they were reunited with their mom. After that, we had the awesome privilege to adopt 2 babies from our local community. We also fostered 2 teenagers from Africa. This was a tricky phase for us because the teenagers were new to our country and were just learning English and because their schedules/lives/needs were so different from our two adopted babies. 

The 18 year old graduated from high school and is now enrolled in college. We are still in touch with the 15 year old; however, our relationship now is more of a mentor type of a relationship instead of that of foster parents. In August of this year, we got a surprise phone call that our former foster kids (the 2 that we raised for 2 years) were back in the system and needed a place to stay. This time they had their little brother with them too. There was no doubt about what we would do; they moved in right away. 

So now we have a house full of little ones with a 3 three year olds, a 4 year old, and a 5 year old running around....and Melissa is due in July. Who knows what God has in store for us then. Depending on the foster care situation, we may have a house with 6 little ones or just 3 little ones. It's a bit overwhelming to us, but we know God is good and He hasn't brought us this far to forsake us now and leave us on our own."

Their church has been their support network since they have no family close by. When Steve has to travel or work late friends from church come over to help Melissa with the many tasks of caring for the five children. There isn't an organized program for this - it's just a "grassroots" thing that occurs in a church family, sharing the love of Christ in Christian community. Steve reflects that he, Melissa, and the members of their church are just doing what Scripture teaches:

"God makes it so clear that His heart beats for the orphan and the widow and those who are most vulnerable and we saw foster care as a way we could pursue God, do Kingdom work, and just live out our faith in a very real and practical way."

Join us as we continue to pray for Steve and Melissa as they share the love of Jesus with the kids they have invited into their lives and home! We thank God for them and the impact they are making in the world!

Transformation out of the Bubble

Dr. Michael Adams, president of the University of Georgia, talked to the Campus Ministry Association last week. Dr. Adams will be retiring this year after a storied tenure at the helm of Georgia's flagship university. He took the opportunity of speaking to our group to reflect on what he has learned working at the collegiate level for more than 30 years. Among the many bits of advice, he told us to keep learning, to try new things, to grow ever more open to new people, new ideas, and new experiences. He noted that numerous studies demonstrate study-abroad experiences stretch students more than any other educational opportunity. He extrapolated that this was also true for the rest of us who choose to travel. This same conclusion was shown in my dissertation research. Every alumnus in my study who had been abroad for an extended period of time had their "Christian Bubble" burst; when they left their "comfort zone" and encountered ideas or people who were radically different from what they thought or "always believed," each began to re-examine those ideas. The result was that their worldviews were expanded through the trips.

Everyone has a worldview, a bubble, if you will. In my study I explored the phrase "Christian Bubble" after several study participants mentioned it in their interview. Though I had used the term before I sought to understand what the folks I was interviewing meant by it. It proved to be a fascinating inquiry.

Our bubble acts as a lens through which we see everything around us, by which we make meaning, and how we interpret the world. As a result our worldview, or our bubble, is usually difficult to recognize. This poses a problem for us as Christians, as we are called to adopt a new worldview after deciding to follow Christ. Richard Rohr writes, "Every viewpoint is a view from a point, and our vantage point is utterly changed by God" (Rohr, Immortal Diamonds, p. 106). However, I'm afraid for many USAmericans who adopt the name "Christian" there is not much difference between their "before Christ" bubble and their "Christian bubble." Many are more influenced by their chosen political party, job, or social group than by their faith or a transformative relationship with God. And perhaps even worse, while there might be a slight shift in framing "eternity" the change does not really affect day to day living.

Here's a question to ponder, "if I were not a follower of Christ how would my life be different?" When answering, go into more than just belief systems or Sunday morning activities. Would you treat people differently? Would your goals be different? What would your day to day approach to life and work look like?

If you cannot see much difference in this hypothetical query, or if you have not experienced much of a change because of your faith over the past few years, it might be time to delve deeply into your "worldview" or "bubble" to see how much of a hold it has on you. Perhaps it is time to ask God to shake things up a bit in your life. Perhaps it's time to plan an event or activity that challenges your bubble - a long term missions trip overseas, a "beyond comfort zone" educational experience, or volunteering in an area that is out of your norm. Richard Rohr writes of the difference that should be evident in the lives of all Christians who have been, and are being transformed, through their relationship with Christ:

"Before transformation, you pray to God. After transformation you pray through God, as the Christian liturgies always say: 'Through Christ our Lord. Amen!' Before radical conversion, you look for God as if God were an object like all other objects. After conversion (con-vertebrae, to turn around or to turn with), you look out from God with eyes other than your own. As the Dominican, Meister Eckhart put it in one of his sermons, 'The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; my eye and God's eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.' All humans are doing is allowing God to 'complete the circuit' within us - until we both see from the same perspective." (Rohr, Immortal Diamonds, p. 106)

If we look to the Biblical scriptures as a guide, those who follow Jesus should be transformed to be more loving, more open to other's needs, less focused on ourselves, and more driven by God's desires. Such Christians would also reflect the attributes of 1st Corinthians 13 (commonly known as the love chapter), Philippians 2:6-14 (Paul's humility song), and Galatians 5:14-26 (the list of the fruits of the Spirit).

Paul wrote about change in a few other places too. In Romans 12:2 he advised,

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." 

Then in his second letter to the church in Corinth he claimed,

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). 

He declares in 1st Corinthians 2:16 followers of Jesus see and experience the world differently because through God's Spirit we have gained "The mind of Christ." Did you catch that? Through the transformation that can occur in followers of Christ, we can actually adopt the Mind of God - now that should burst your bubble and break through your status quo vision of the world!

So, do you see things more like your peers or more like God? Perhaps it is time to ask God to pull out a proverbial pin and burst that bubble!

From Athens, to Africa to Mud Island in Mempus: Meet Barrett Bowden!

Barrett and Michelle Bowden

When Barrett Bowden was a student at the University of Georgia he made a tremendous impact on Baptist Collegiate Ministries. As a first year student he lent his talents for music to the Impact Band, playing keyboard as the group traveled around the state leading worship in various churches and for many retreats and events. As a second year student Barrett used his organizational skills to oversee the Impact ministry. He coordinated with churches to supply students for various events - from recruiting small group leaders for Disciple Now Weekends to sending the Impact Band to lead worship to finding speakers for different events. Barrett served as the worship team leader for his last two years, bringing creativity and knowledge of worship to the task that was very much needed. Barrett was very organized and brought an eye toward excellence to everything he did. 

I have always felt a kinship with Barrett beyond that of most students. I knew Barrett's dad and mom from when I was in school. While in High School Clay Bowden served as the youth intern one year at First Baptist Church of Statesboro, Georgia where my family attended. Clay was also involved in the Baptist Student Union (now BCM) at Georgia Southern. My dad was the campus minister there. I was in college with Rhonda, Barrett's mother. The first time Barrett stuck his head in my door and introduced himself I knew he looked familiar. When he told me who his parents were I was floored. We had many a laugh reminiscing together about his parents. 

When I began blogging about alumni from UGA BCM I thought of Barrett. I knew he was serving as the pastor of a church in Memphis (thanks to Facebook). But I did not have all of the details of his story since he left Athens. I emailed decided to interview him via email.

Nathan: We often loose track of students after they graduate. Fill in the gaps for me.

Barrett: After I graduated UGA, I (almost) immediately departed for West Africa. I served with the International Mission Boards short-term program for young adults - "Hands On." I was in West Africa among an unreached people group in the middle of the desert for about seven months. We served as English professors at a local university, focusing on building relationships with our students in order to share the gospel and see a church planted. Honestly, Nate, it was one of the most difficult and amazing experiences of my life. Why difficult? First personal - Well, for the first time in my life I felt completely stripped of everything comfortable and convenient.... no contact with family, no contact with friends, no electricity, no big Christian church to attend full of fellowship and lively worship, no one who knows you and thinks you're pretty great, no TV or internet to entertain or distract you, no food that appeases you, and on and on. In this environment, you come to know yourself and your sin in depths you never cared to know. I realized how reliant I was on so much apart from God Himself. I realized how shallow I was spiritually in so many ways. But, this leads to the amazing part of the experience. These months allowed an experience with God that I never thought imaginable, a new understanding of His amazing grace, and a new realization of how a real relationship and dependence and satisfaction in Jesus should flesh out in my life. When God is all you have, you realize God is all you need. The Lord broke me and grew me so much while I was there. I feel like Africa for me was like the Apostle Paul's Arabia - a place of learning, testing, receiving, understanding, growing, obeying, and preparation. 

Another reason it was challenging, but amazing - the whole time was oriented around missions. The challenge: I had no clue of how lost and broken the world was until God sent me to Africa. Every day, I was confronted with new degrees of blindness, brokenness (in every way), and feeling of despair. I watched young children die in their mothers arms because of lack of medicine readily available to us at Walgreens. I spoke with countless individuals who had never heard of Jesus, much less know anything about him. The people were hardened in their hearts, unwilling and bothered to listen of any truth outside that of the Islamic culture, yet empty in their hearts and eyes. Many nights, I went to bed in tears. How did I not know about this before? What was I supposed to do with this now? God, how will you save these people? God, how will you bring restoration to the broken, justice to the oppressed, help to the poor? Over months, my feelings about it all went from shock to sadness to frustration to burden to brokenness then to prayer. This where the amazing part of that journey came in once again. God was gracious to fill my heart with hope. God showed me His promises and taught me to pray them with faith. God gave me a willing heart, ready to play my role in His awesome plan of redemption. God gave me hopes and dreams for what He would do, and showed me that my life could be used as a part of the story. And, God gave us fruitfulness of ministry - we saw a few young men amazingly saved and changed by the grace of Jesus, a church started, and the beginnings of a movement among that people begin. God taught me in Africa that the world is about Him, not me; my role is to live for His glory among the nations. He is faithful.

I got back from Africa a different man. I knew God's call on my life was toward ministry. I knew the nations had something to do with it. The specifics, I had no clue. About this time, one of my best friends (and prayer partners for me in Africa), Michelle Roark, began to occupy my thoughts and steal the attention of my heart. She was a girl I had admired and respected for some time, but these intensified feelings of interest and desire were definitely new. Over the next weeks and months, I found myself pursuing and deepening relationship with her. Thankfully, she reciprocated the interest and feelings. God grew us together in love I had never before known. The rest is blissful history. One year after we began dating, I proposed. We were married in June 2010. She is everything I could have ever dreamed in a wife and best friend. Her heart for Jesus, people, the poor, and the nations is still an example and encouragement to me today. As my college roommates and I used to joke as we looked for girls - Michelle is a "triple G" : a Godly Gorgeous Girl. We often debated which G was most important... thankfully with her, it doesn't matter....she has them all.

During all of this romantic pursuit and marriage, after I returned from Africa, I began seminary at New Orleans in Atlanta. Interestingly, I returned to the marketing company I had worked for throughout college. But - I returned in a very different capacity (and this is the only reason I would have returned). The chaplain of the company died suddenly while I was in Africa. When I got back to the States, I had many messages from the owners of the company asking if I would consider returning to the company as the chaplain and personal spiritual adviser to them. I agreed. It was an amazing fulfillment of two areas of my life I never thought would collide: my marketing training and background/experience and my call to ministry. It was wonderful to serve in this capacity for several years while I was in Atlanta and in the beginnings of seminary education. God opened opportunities and doors for fruitful ministry within the context of a corporate that I never thought possible. (By the way - there is a huge need for more Christians to see themselves as ministers within their workplace! The fields are ripe!)

After several years of teaching school after her undergraduate education, Michelle felt a strong call to pursue a life of ministry through medicine. Thus, medical school education was necessary. She was accepted to UT Medical School in Memphis, TN. In 2009, we packed up and moved to Memphis. Honestly, I was not happy about moving to Memphis away from Atlanta but thankfully God knows best. Because of the move to Memphis, I transferred my seminary education to Mid-America Baptist Theological. I had the option of continuing with NOBTS online but that format of learning is just not for me. After many years of bi-vocational work/ministry and study, I completed my degree of Master of Divinity last May (2012). We have loved every moment of life and ministry in Memphis.

Nathan: What was the most profound experience you had while working on your degree?

Barrett: Well, honestly, what I loved most about the way God led me to complete my degree was that I was working in ministry the whole time I was enrolled in seminary. This afforded me something that enhanced the classroom experience more than I could have ever planned on my own: a bridge to real life and real ministry. In seminary, I was challenged to learn, explore, and grow in knowledge, understanding, and academics more than ever before. But, I was able to keep my feet on the ground because every day, I would be faced with the questions of our church members or lost friends: What does any of that do with me? Sometimes, conversations, ideas, or strategies in seminary got stuck in the clouds where the vantage point is helpful but the air is breathless. I enjoyed having opportunity to temper that discussion with a realistic view from the ground and experience in the daily battle. Because of my experience and involvement in daily church ministry, I was able to seek real application to the awesome truths and principles I was learning.

Nathan: What were some things you were involved in where you made an impact, but that also made an impact on you?

Barrett: Three things I think back on that made a huge impact on my life: First, my parents. My mom and dad, Clay and Rhonda Bowden, modeled godliness and contentment in the Lord in all circumstances. They taught me to love Jesus and His church. My dad is still the one I think about and turn to when I think of how a pastor should care for the church as a shepherd cares for His sheep. Second, BCM at UGA. Honestly Nate, BCM had a huge impact on my life. It was at BCM that I learned to serve the Lord, to lead in ministry, that God could use my unique S.H.A.P.E. for His purposes in a city, that the nations existed and God cared about them, and that you have to learn to find unity in the church amidst crazy diversity. It was also where the Lord affirmed His call to ministry in my heart. I am so thankful the BCM allowed me the opportunity to grow, explore, make mistakes, find real community, and lead. Third, my marketing experience. I am so grateful I had opportunity spend a few years in the "real world" working as "normal" people do. It has proven invaluable to me again and again. I don't have to wonder or assume I understand what people experience in the workplace..... I have actually experienced it myself! This experience and the stories/opportunities gained from it has given me points of relation to many in our community and church.

Nathan: How did you come to pastor Island Community Church in Memphis?

Barrett: If you had told me 5 years ago or even 3 years ago that I would be pastoring a church, I would have laughed. Never did I dream it, hope for it, or feel qualified to do it. Much less at this point in my life. And, after all, I am a PK. Though I always loved the church, I never intended to follow the footsteps of my dad (one of the best pastor/shepherds I know). I have found that the call of God supersedes all of our thinking and planning. The best thing (and only thing) to surrender to it.  When Michelle and I arrived in Memphis in 2009, we knew no one. It was a city unfamiliar to us and a culture similar but very different than the ones we came from. We didn't have any connections or relationships other than those provided through her involvement in the medical school. We moved into downtown Memphis into a community called Mud Island (literally a large island in the middle of the Mississippi River). A small, tight-knit community of 7,000 but honestly we still felt lonely and disconnected. We began to visit churches (most of them 20-30 minutes away from us in the suburbs) but were not really regular, committed, or involved anywhere. We wanted it but had not found (or worked hard enough to find) the right "fit." One day, we heard about this little church plant that was meeting on Mud Island - Island Community Church. We decided to try it out. We went the next Sunday and walked into find 20-30 people there in a small schoolroom for worship, fellowship, and Bible study. They were real and welcoming - most all of them from our community. They were genuine in their worship and desire to bless and reach the community. The Word was great. We surprised ourselves when we got in the car after the first Sunday of worship and lunch with the church..... "We loved it!" It looked nothing like anything we'd ever experienced but it was a real church! We were excited to commit to involvement and growth there. We did.

In the next months, we got involved.... very involved. With my training and call, I was willing and hungry to serve and learn in ministry. We helped to start Bible studies, lead in outreach, and volunteered on Sundays. The church continued to grow. One Sunday, the church came to us and asked if we'd be willing to take on some formal ministry responsibilities and accept some financial help with our schooling/pay. We were shocked and humbled, but said yes. The church continued to grow. The church came back and asked if we'd be willing to give more of our time. We said yes. This continued over the next two years. There were a total of four of us guys who served on staff as bi-vocational ministers.

About two years ago, our lead pastor at the time announced to us and the church leadership that he would soon be stepping down from church ministry to take on a more full-time role at the seminary as a professor and Chair of Missions Department. The church began a prayerful process of selecting the next pastor and helping with the transition. After a couple of months, the church came to me and called us to serve as lead pastor. Shocked, humbled, confident in the Lord's call, scared to death, and excited... we said yes and stepped forward in faith.

It has been an awesome experience, especially because (a) we had the joy of volunteering as a regular church member before we had the thought of serving as a leader (b) we had the privilege of being mentored in leadership and pastoring within our church before being called to pastor our church.

God's grace is so awesome to allow me and uphold me to serve as pastor of a church in this early season in life and ministry. It is a wonderful privilege and responsibility.

Nathan: Tell me a bit more about Island Community Church.

Barrett: Our church was planted about eight or nine years ago on Mud Island in downtown Memphis. The Island was developed in the 90's and is a planned community. Convenient enough, though, they did not plan for a church. God called a man to start a church on the Island in his home. He did. Initially, it was met with a lot of resistance (our community is not only uninterested but resistant to spiritual things and churches). But, he stayed and continued to share the gospel and invite people in. Over a period of several years, the church grew. People were baptized and changed by grace. They went out and shared with their friends and more came. More growth. More salvations. More change. The has been the cycle of the church over the last years. Today, we are about 160 people on an average Sunday.... many seekers, many new Christians, and lately many downtown Christians realizing they can worship and serve in a church near their home.

We are the only church actively reaching out to the Mud Island community of 7,000 people. We are one of a handful of evangelical churches reaching out to our downtown community of 30,000+. We are a very mission-minded church, both in our community and around the world. We want to share the gospel and live in out in our lives. 25% of our annual budget is devoted to ministries and missions outside of our church.

We are a young church (median age probably 30-35).... we reflect the age and diversity of our community. We have many internationals and professional students who are in Memphis only for a season. We are very relationally-driven rather than program-driven, again reflective of the nature of our community. We strive hard to contextualize the gospel and our ministry strategies to the unique nature of our downtown community. Service opportunities and relationship-building ministries are often our greatest bridges into people's lives, leading to more opportunities to move them deeper into involvement in the church and understanding of the gospel.

We are SBC in affiliation though we don't carry "Baptist" in our name. In our community, people are aversive to churches much less denominations. While we are happy in our Baptist beliefs and affiliation, we don't want that to be aversive to anyone in a community that simply needs a church. Also, we were not a plant of SBC or any other church. We have never received any outside support from outside organizations - we have always been self-sustaining.

Nathan: What is the most exciting thing God is doing in your church right now?

Barrett: One of the most exciting things that has happened to us in the last few months comes in answer to a prayer we've prayed for the last few years. As a church plant, we started in a living room. Then, as we grew, we moved to a school room (in the one school on Mud Island). The school was the biggest assembly space available to us on the Island. When we outgrew it, we moved just off of the Island to a hotel ballroom downtown. Last year, we began to reach maximum capacity again. We knew that each time we outgrew a space, God had faithfully provided. We waited, we prayed. We searched for available spaces in our area that could fit us.... everything was unavailable or out of our range of affordability. We waited, we prayed. Last summer, I received a call from the CEO of ALSAC/ St. Jude. He wanted to discuss something related to our church. I agreed to meet. When I got there, he told me that they had a property they wanted to loan us for the next ten years. It sits one mile from Mud Island on the main road through the area. It is an old warehouse (in need of renovation) but is 11,000 square feet! I asked the price: he told me he wanted to let us hold us for them for $1 / year. Then, "thanks for what you're doing for our community." WOW. Are you kidding me? Shock, amazement, then tears. God you are amazing! So... God has provided a home base for ministry for His church to continue to grow and outreach in our area for the next ten years. Amazing. We are actively fundraising now for renovations (feel free to help us spread the word)..... we have about $150k to go.

The building is really just an asset for ministry and doesn't really describe the core of our ministry itself. Perhaps one of the most exciting things we're seeing right now in ministry is the growth within our people to embrace missional living. God is transforming our understanding of life to be about what He is doing, not about what we are doing. Many people in our church came to Memphis thinking it was about some training or job and are now realizing it is about His work in Memphis and His desire for them to be involved in kingdom growth in our community and around the world. We are seeing huge percentage of the church choosing active involvement in regular community service partnerships (seven weekly or monthly partnerships) and also involvement in global missions. In the last three years, we have gone from no global missions trip to four global missions trips. We went from no one feeling called to missions to two individuals now embracing the call and moving overseas (one already there, another in process). As a church, we are supporting them both financially. This year, we will take four teams overseas to work with our missions partners (total participation in global missions this year is nearly 1/3 of our average attendance!). Honestly, it is amazing to see. For some reason, I never thought I would be able to live in the U.S. and reach the nations. I was totally wrong. God is using us in this season and allowing us to lead others to embrace God's missional heart for all people, everywhere.

Nathan: What can we pray about on your behalf?

Barrett: You can pray for the church and our effectiveness and fruitfulness in our community. Pray the the Lord would continue to draw the lost of our community to treasure and follow Jesus. The need is great. Pray our members would continue to find their identity and purpose in Christ, to live in love with His grace and live on mission for His people. Pray He would continue to provide for and protect the church. Pray we would see a gospel renewal in downtown Memphis that would restore, heal and change our broken city, and shake our world. We believe hope is on the horizon. We are praying that God's renewal will begin with us! You can also pray for Michelle and I and our lead team as we lead our church. It is an awesome privilege to serve and lead the church, but it also comes with burdens and challenges. Pray our faith would remain in the Lord (not ourselves), our identity in Christ (not what we do), and focus on His fruitfulness (not our manufactured measurements of ministry "success"). Pray we would seek and receive the rest God intends for us, protecting our hearts and relationships from overwork.

Wow, what a story of God's grace in the life of an a young man who has been open to his leading! You can get in touch with him on facebook, on the church website, or by following his blog. 

Prayer in Christian History, Pt. 1

Lately I have been looking over files and notes from my seminary days. I have a large 3 ring binder open on my desk that was a Prayer Notebook "presented to E. Glenn Hinson, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for 26730." The class was more commonly known as Prayer in Christian History. The notebook is comprised of a reflection journal, reading reactions to journal articles & book chapters, and items for further study.

Over the past few weeks I have been reading through the notebook again. This is not the first time I have found and read papers that I wrote in college and seminary. Reading those was often painful! Reading over work done in bygone years shows me just how far I have come in both thought processes and writing ability. This time, however, leafing through this notebook has been a positive and insightful experience.

Prior to seminary I prayed a lot, but did not do much thinking about prayer. Seminary afforded a framework to give attention to my accumulated beliefs and practices. Reading through the articles and then my personal reflections has provided insight into the early stages of my theological development. I am discovering anew just how foundational this class was for much of my current understanding about and practice of prayer. But it also has shown me about more than prayer. One statement in final exam for the class caught my eye as I was reading. I wrote, "Any discussion of prayer is, in fact, a discussion of one's view of God. It is the essence of theology." If writing it today I would tweak it a bit; "In many ways prayer is simply the practice of one's theology."

How we pray and the content of our prayers reveals what we really believe about God.

Jesus showed that prayer changes things: through prayer God can be encouraged to act (as seen in the many healing narratives and instructions to his disciples) and prayer changes the one who prays (as seen in the passion narrative beginning in the Garden of Gethsemane). When the disciples failed in healing a demon possessed man Jesus healed him with ease. Jesus then told his followers, "this kind can come out only by prayer" (Mark 9:14- 29). Jesus often went out alone to pray, to reconnect with God, to seek clarity and wisdom, and to prepare for work ahead. Too often contemporary Christians seek the advice of others - friends, family, and spiritual leaders - before or in lieu of seeking God's advice through prayer. When Jesus asked questions of his contemporaries it was for the sake of the person being addressed. Jesus only addressed his information-seeking queries to God! He did not seek advice from his peers or followers. Perhaps we should spend more time seeking advice and wisdom from God instead of relying so much on our friends and advisors.

Paul's experience with prayer was "God's grace is sufficient" for everything. Even in the midst of imprisonment and torture Paul noted that God's grace (and as a result, God's strength) was most evident when Paul was at his weakest. From Paul we can learn that the answer to most of our petitions to God is simply grace. Though God may not take away pain or suffering, though the answers we receive may not be those we prefer, in all circumstances God speaks grace; "My grace is sufficient."

In the biblical book that bears his name James demonstrates that prayer is powerful. There is a connection for James between prayer, faith, and God's action in the world. Thomas Merton, the great Dominican writer, summarized the perspective of James, prayer always results in action. For Merton such human action was always social in nature. Merton suggested that if a Christian was not active in social issues that Christian was not praying. Because God loves all people, God desires those who love God to be concerned about their neighbors. For Merton a praying Christian begins to see differently, becomes more aware of the needs all around, and is inspired to help solve the problems faced by neighbors. Merton set forth a contemplative model of prayer where one reads God's word and then rests in silence before God, waiting on the Divine to speak, inspire, clarify, and/or bring peace. Such prayer centers the one praying on God instead of on self. Such centering give's the one praying new eyes, or, in Rohr's (Immortal Diamond) words, allows God to see through our eyes and us to see through God's eyes. We begin to see what God sees and God begins to love more fully in and then through us. Once we see what God sees we will be compelled to respond with God's love.

We cannot pray and not be moved to action.

Post Super Bowl Conversations at the Byrd House

Lately some of the conversations around our home have concerned the Super Bowl. The topics discussed have not so much revolved around the game itself but the commercials and, yes, the halftime extravaganza. Each of us have a favorite advertisement, not known by the product but the theme or characters. My wife loved the one with the old folks escaping from the retirement home for a high on the town. Our son liked lots of them, especially the funny ones. Karlie, our soon to be 7 year old princess, loved the men playing dress up with the little girl to earn a bag of chips. My fav, sap that I am (and that of our teenage daughter) was the one with the Clydesdale and the man who raised him. And yes, I teared up. However, my absolute favorite Super Bowl ad didn't air until the Monday morning. It is a Jello commercial declaring the losing team to be the actual winners because the citizens of San Francisco will receive free pudding all day long as a consultation prize! 

Since watching the game (OK, the commercials) my wife and I have had an ongoing conversation about two parts of the night that we found uncomfortable at best, but more disconcerting and troubling though we could not exactly identify the reasons why. The two seem unrelated at first glance, yet are really very similar in theme. The first is perhaps obvious from about half of the posts in my Facebook feed: the half time show. During Beyonce's performance my wife asked, "What is this really about?" I was not really paying attention - I was playing a game on my iPad, listening to the music, occasionally looking up at the TV. Karen then answered her own question - its about sex, nothing else, just sex!" Of course, I then began watching. And I must agree with her. Yes there was music, featuring the superstar's hits. Yes, there was dancing, but the dancing was not just to emphasize the music, it was highly provocative and extremely suggestive. Of course the lack of clothing didn't help and what little coverage there was looked remarkably like lingerie. Karen asked, "How is this less provocative than the 'wardrobe malfunction' of several years ago?"

The other focus of our ongoing discussion was the GoDaddy ad where the geeky guy enjoys an extended, passionate kiss a supermodel. We had both seen interviews on TV with the model, Bar Refaeli, and actor Jesse Heiman, who portrayed the geek. I know, this is every teenage boy's fantasy. Since the ad aired Jesse (@JesseHeiman) has gained an exponential number of Twitter followers and is enjoying his newfound fame. 

So why have we focused on those two seemingly unconnected parts of the evening? This morning my wife - a middle school teacher - made the connection. Just like in middle and high school, we still divide into groups. The popular kids at the top of the social ladder don't mix with the nerdy kids at the bottom. None of the kids on the bottom would ever actually dare to try to get into the in group at the top - as much as the 80's classic movie Can't Buy Me Love would have us believe: Fantasize about it, yes. Actually try it? Never. The contrast is too great. As Karen observes, "unfortunately, that's what I think upset most viewers if we're honest when we viewed the kiss. The 'ugly fat kid' doesn't even deserve to speak to a super model, much less be kissed by her. That's why it seems wrong....He's absolutely caught off guard. The adults perpetuate these groups by the way we dress and teach kids to act and even how we treat other adults."

But I think it even goes further. I think it is a form of bullying. The glorification and objectification of beautiful, popular people and the demeaning of those who are not so gorgeous or socially proficient is just another type of social bullying. The commercials both serve to reinforce stereotypes that are unfair and untrue.

First, as Karen observed, the halftime concert was all about sex. Yet it was not about wholesome sex between two loving partners, it was about lustful sex. It was created to promote a desire for what we do not and cannot have. It the makers of such advertisements can connect deep seated sexual longing and lust with their products we, the easily manipulated public might just buy the product - advertise sex, sell more stuff!

Beyonce is an amazingly talented woman. She has an amazing voice. She is blessed with good looks. She works hard to stay in shape. Those things are obvious. But she is also a very intelligent, highly successful business woman. Beyonce is a loving wife, a new mother, and a faithful, adoring daughter. But because our society objectifies women (in particular) and the beautiful and famous we do not get to know Beyonce as a person - we only focus on the plastic, Barbie-doll image that the media wants us to see. Because of this we (and mainly men) get then idea that woman are primarily sexual objects. Woman get the idea that Beyonce's perfect tall, slender, fat-free body is the ideal. They begin to feel they must be just as alluring, just as sexual, just as revealing as Beyonce to get the attention of guys. They feel that if boys are not ogling them they are not good enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough. Some begin to post pictures of themselves and their friends on Facebook mirroring the seductive bedroom-eyes looks that Beyonce and other actors and performers model. I've cautioned a few coeds who post such pictures that those expressions should not be for public consumption but should be saved for their future life-partner. My wife has such looks too, but I don't want the world to see them, they are for my eyes only!

Second, though the guy gets the girl on screen in the GoDaddy advertisement, it is obvious from the way the scene plays out that the commercial was made for the shock value. We are immediately amused or disgusted by what we are watching. Bar Refaeli had been featured kissing Brad Pitt or Jessee Heiman was kissing Roseanne Rosannadanna (played by Gilda Radner on the 1980's SLN cast) the effect would have been far different. It would be expected, normal, understood. The shock is in the contrast that something doesn't fit, something is out of place, something in this scene is wrong. The juxtaposition of the beauty and the geeks in the commercial promotes the stereotypes. I know some folks today are embracing the term "Geek." They enjoy the intelligent, nerdy, perhaps counter-cultural role embodied by the term. I know some of these folks rather well. And I am convinced that most would not willingly adopt the term and the images conjured by its use, and only do so in the attempt to fit in, to have an understood and acceptable identity as they navigate their teen or young emerging adult years. Locating their identity in a negative self-image gives them a sense of power and control - "I choose to be like this! I'm only embracing who I am!" Though this idea of control is actually just going with the flow because most know will never live up to the ideal. Instead of feeling the freedom to be themselves as a smart, normal kid, each tries to become the characterture of a geek, sometimes going to the extreme, being more nerdy or geeky than is actually case just to feel better. 

The bully wins again. While he is not stealing their milk money, he is stealing their positive sense of self. 

As I read back through this I sound like a prude who is against popular culture, rock music, and even humor. I assure you I am none of those things. What I am is a concerned dad, husband, and minister who often counsels young women who struggle with poor self esteems. I imagine you would be surprised if you could meet some of these amazingly talented, intelligent and beautiful women. You would be shocked that they struggle with self-esteem issues. Some of the most physically attractive young women that I have worked with struggle with self-esteem - related to their appearance - just as much as their peers. 

I worry that although we talk about the messages we are sending our children and teens we really don't do much about changing anything. Our talk becomes cheap when our kids hear us rant and rave, yet laugh at and talk with our friends about the commercials that do the very things we criticize. Which messages are they to believe - what we say or what we do? I've always been taught that actions speak louder than words. What are the girls in our lives to think when they notice us (and they do notice) ogling at Beyonce (and other scantily clad women) while proclaiming how hot, how gorgeous, how amazing she is? What are our girls and wives to think when we watch the GoDaddy commercial and declare that Jesse "the Geek" Heiman is the luckiest guy in the world, or as some tweets just after the ad aired said, "He's the real winner of the night!" While most dads proclaim that their daughters are beautiful and most men tell their wives they are gorgeous, what do they believe from our other actions and statements? Do we understand that they are always watching us, always hearing what we say, even when it is not directed to them?

What do you think?

Hangnails

Our sweet little skittish Beagle Shiloh is walking with a slight limp this morning. Sometimes, like me, he does that after sleeping in an odd position. When the limp didn't go away on our morning walk I checked his little paw and found a tiny crack in one of his nails - a doggie hangnail. In addition to the limp has also been a bit more whiny than usual this morning, whimpering when someone leaves the room instead of only when someone leaves the house. He seems to be having one of those days.

Karlie was up in the middle of the night with an earache. It has been so long since anyone in our house has had ear pain that we have forgotten what to do. We tried drops. Didn't work. We tried Advil. Didn't work. We tried a heating pad and warm rice in a sock. Didn't work. Finally she fell asleep exhausted on the couch in our bedroom. We all slept fitfully after that, awakened much too soon to take Natalie and Nick to a drivers ed class at the high school.

Natalie and Nick woke up in foul moods. Teenagers and weekend mornings do not mix well. Tempers were short. The expectation of a Saturday and Sunday spent at school in class did not help their moods. Karen had a paper hanging over her head for the day. She is working on her gifted endorsement, so most weekends are spent at the computer or holed up in our bedroom with articles and text books.

It seems we all are suffering from annoying hangnails of one sort or another - whether physical or emotional, the result is still the same.

Why is it that the little things create the most annoying disturbances in our lives? I have no problem handling the huge crises that come along on occasion. But the little things, the slight headaches that come from forgetting to eat lunch, the stressful mornings that arrive because of not hearing the alarm, or the literal hangnails that seem to get in the way every time something is grabbed or touched - those are the most difficult to handle. It is the small annoyances that most often result in the stress in my life. Such hangnails are like ripples in a pond, they not only affect my mood, but end up affecting the moods of everyone I'm around. Such hangnails are not so annoying they demand constant attention. If that were the case I would put forth the extra effort to be kind. Such hangnails lie just below the surface, bubbling up in a shortened temper, a cutting remark, or a curt response.

The good thing about hangnails is they do not last long - a day, perhaps two and they heal. A bandaid can be a tremendous help. Bandaids are not just for major cuts, they help with the little things. I remember when Natalie and Nick were younger a properly applied bandaid could heal almost any ill. Yep, any ill. They were most magical when there was no visible injury. These, of course, were the trickiest to apply. The child would serve as the director, indicating the spot to apply the bandaid for the best healing affect. Once a bandaid or two was applied the tears would go away. Suddenly, instead of showing everyone the hurt, the bandaid was now proudly displayed for all to see. It became a trophy, turning a painful experience into a source of joy. Of course it helped if the bandaid portrayed images of favored super heroes or Disney characters!

Perhaps there is a lesson there for the rest of us who experience hangnail days. Perhaps we need to find a way to mute or cover the painful hangnail with something celebratory. Perhaps we need to learn to reward ourselves in some way, turning the painful, annoying experience into something to show off, calling positive attention to that which would seek to interrupt our otherwise good day with frustration. Perhaps we each need to discover the bandaid that works for us. For the real hangnails that occasionally pop up I too apply bandaids. Just like the kids, I prefer those that feature heroes, Disney characters (or princesses), or simply bright colors. For the emotional hangnails a warm latte from my fav coffee shop usually does the trick. If the hangnail pops up later in the day I will sometimes go out for a burger or some other culinary reward. On he worst of days, the Monday hangnails, a nice long brisk bike ride always heals and heals deeply.

What heals your hangnails?

Love Does....

On the recommendation of lots of friends I am finally reading Love Does by Bob Goff. The experiences Goff narrates are riveting, simultaneously funny and moving. It's tough to put the book down. Goff has so many crazy experiences that I want discover what else he can possibly get himself into! On refection however, each chapter is composed of simple stories of learning to see things a bit differently. Most tales are marked by a combination of Goff's relentless pursuit of his dreams (he won't take no for an answer), a consistently positive attitude, and simple acts of creative kindness. I am convinced that these three traits can be applied learned and applied by all of us.

Most of us are so trapped by our worldview, developed over a lifetime, that we cannot see beyond it. Our perspective has given us tunnel vision and we don't even realize the restriction. Not only is our worldview often limiting of what we can see, accomplish, and learn, it often hinders what we can know and learn about others. It is very difficult to try to "walk a mile" in another's shoes when we have already pigeon-holed and labeled the other person. When we attempt to don another person's footwear we usually do so already believing that we understand enough to sport those kicks with empathetic style. The effort is doomed before it begins.

During research for my dissertation I encountered the oft used phrase, "Christian Bubble" or simply "my bubble" when interviewing participants in the study. Not wanting to assume I knew what was meant by the familiar phrases, I asked each participant who used them to explain what they meant. In essence, what each described was a particular worldview. Not surprisingly a Christian Bubble was highly influenced by their faith tradition (or "ideas"), their relationships and since of place ("home"), and what they do as a result of their ideations ("practices"). As I looked back over previous interviews I noticed others had talked about similar perspectives. Many discussed leaving their "comfort zone" by venturing outside of their normal country, relational circles, or religious practice. Such leavings often caused a disruption in their since of normal and opened a space for new learning to occur.

Rohr (Everything Belongs) and others have dubbed such moments as liminal. Liminal space can be created through study abroad programs, mission trips to different cultures (even within one's own country), and through classes that push students to think outside of their proverbial boxes. However, for those in my study, it took more than one disruption for sufficient liminality to occur that would produce lasting change. Students who only traveled outside of their normal culture ("home") were not prompted to change their worldviews unless that was also accompanied by an ideological disruption as well ("ideas") or an experience that felt unnatural ("practices"). In the study, the most dramatic changes involved interactions with people that were previously deemed to be "different."

It seems that some people - even those who realize that they live in a "bubble" (whether a Christian Bubble or some other kind) - develop a keen knack for being able to see outside of their own worldview - to see beyond the bubble, to see through the boundaries that have previously bound them. I think Bob Goff is such a guy. But such people aren't born that way. They come to be more open by encountering a crisis, a moment in time and space when their worldview is challenged, their bubble is burst, and the walls of separation collapse. Such openness does not naturally remain so. As humans it seems we like comfortable little ideological packages. We like our bubbles! It takes work to remain open. It takes a recognition of separation and a desire to seek to have other encounters that challenge our sense of normal.

The tales Goff relates in Love Does demonstrate an openness to otherness that is refreshing. He lives his life in such a way as to allow for spontanaity. His stories trace the many times the desires, requests, and whims of others guide his actions. He views such openness as the key to adventure in life and as a major aspect of his Christian faith.

Richard Rohr observes that Jesus had a similar personality. Jesus was never picky about offering love and grace. Jesus was open to everyone he met - even the outcasts and down-casts of society.

"Everyone who asked Jesus to heal them or help them had somehow made the simple act of trust that he cared - and...they were healed. No other preconditions were ever required. It is really rather shocking" (Rohr, Immortal Diamond, p. 96).

Oh that we all could develop such an attitude, such an shocking openness to others! Then we would realize that just as God's love does, so should ours! It troubles me that most Christians I know only socialize with other Christians - and not just any other Christians, but other Christians who see the world in almost identical ways. Bubbles attract similar bubbles! This should not be surprising, but as followers of Jesus we are called to be different than the norm. We should each be open to people, ideas, and experiences in order to let God's love flow through us in surprising and new ways!

By the way, I recommend Goff's book. Though some of his chapters are a bit too sermonic for my tastes, on the whole it's a good read with a great inspirational message!